Friday, May 29, 2009

WORDS OF A CHILDLESS MOTHER

I'm sure I'm going to ramble today/ I know I'm going to ramble today. I don't have a mind that retains information, what I do have is a mind that will tell my husband the exact day, probably to the minute that he did something to hurt me. I remember each moment of pain like it was yesterday. So I can't quote Bible verses, I can't tell my children all the things they did as babies, only a few select moments unless I see a picture, then some memories come back. Yes I can watch a movie over and over again. Just yesterday, after how many weeks of naming my puppy Skye did I realized that we live on a street called Sky-----! I called my husband and asked him if he new that, did he think I named our dog after the street we lived on. That was the furthest thing from my mind.


I wrote my first post on April 9, 2009 which is only 51 days ago. I actually wrote this number on my palm so I wouldn't forget it as I walked back to my office. Of course in the meantime I also emptied the dishwasher. See that's how it rolls in my world, that's how I clean the house. (Actually that is how I use to clean the house because I really don't like doing it anymore.) I would go to get something and then it can be hours before I'm back to the job at hand.


How my life has changed in those 51 days, let me tell you. Here I am in my own little world with my own little troubles. I don't even watch the news, I find it to be full of sadness. Now here I am reading about the heartache of blogger's out there over the Internet and my days are consumed. My little world was sad at times but nothing compared to these woman who have lost their children. Each story is so moving. Today I read about Hope http://tuesdayshope.blogspot.com/ and it was so moving. What courage it took to go through the motions, what courage it takes for the mother's who live through these unthinkable moments. You are the Mother's who really need to be honored on Mother's Day.


I try not to read other comments when I am writing my comment because I know the words that I need to say and I just might be bummed if someone is writing the very same thing. I do sometimes pop over to a blog whose name was drawn to my attention on the comment page. I believe that God is leading me to those He desires me to see. So I often go from one story to another. I think that it is a wonderful thing that you have this bond with each other. What a wonderful way to connect, share your feeling and grieve together. Believe me I think you don't realize what a blessing this blogging has been for you. Misery does not like company but a grieving mother does need to know that she is not alone and that people do care about her.


Now I can tell you that I won't remember each persons story or which child's name goes with which blog name but they have all touched my heart while reading them. I know there are some that will forever remain in my heart and also in my mind for reasons I cannot explain. Now I knew that there were tragic stories out there but this has been a whole new journey for me. This is were my heart wants to be. This is what I pray to God about, giving me the words to ease their pain. I pray for God to give me visions of their children sitting in His lap in Heaven so I can truly tell them that their children are safe in the hands of God. (Oh Lord hear my prayers.)

1 comment:

Keetha, AKA Keethasaurus, AKA Keepie Da Niece said...

I read, I just didn't have anything to say about it, I felt like you said it all.

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