Two weeks from today these beautiful girls will be visiting me from Florida. These cute girls are my great-nieces, my sister's granddaughter's. It is so hard to live so far away from them. So the girl on the left is a H-U-G-E Criss Angel fan and her grandparents decided to bring them to California and we will make the trip to Vegas from my house. She will be seeing his show while we are there. Actually when I was there last month I purchased a framed autographed poster for her which I sent out a few weeks ago. She was beside herself with happiness. I love being able to do special treats like that from time to time. She could not stop crying.
So this is what brings me to this post. I am a nervous wreck and haven't slept since I heard they were coming. My house is beautiful and my sister/brother-in-law were here in February '08 for our Aunt Blanche's funeral. My sister is a bit of an obsessive clean freak and is one of those people who decorates and bakes for all the holidays for her grandchildren. I use to be that person but I'm not anymore. (Except when it comes to Christmas and my 800 ornaments and decorations) I lost my obsessiveness when I got really ill with my asthma 15 years ago. My husband had to do our laundry for almost 3 years following that. I got back to doing most everything but I still struggled. I was in pretty bad shape last year too but now my medications seem to be keeping me well. Now by well I mean I can breathe and not use my nebulizer with medications every four hours. I am also off of steroids for almost a year and had lived on those for almost 19 years. So I am doing well but I can't do allot. That is why you will find me most days here at my computer and watching movies. I can do the basics but I can't do the deep cleaning that needs to be done. My daughter helps me from time to time which I do appreciate.
Don't get me wrong, my house is very clean and organized. (Don't open a cabinet though) I did so much when my kids were little and always felt that I would be creative again when I had grandchildren. Once my kids left the nest I've settled into a place that just doesn't want to entertain much anymore. Put me in a cabin deep in the woods and I would be happy. I didn't want to lose my lust for life, it just lost me. I don't think menopause has helped much either!
These people are my family, I love them so much so why do I feel like I have to have everything perfect for them. They love me just the way I am, I know that, but I still want to impress the girls because they have only seen me when I'm visiting them in Florida where I am the cool aunt who takes them shopping. They have never seen my homes and I guess I feel that they will think I'm nothing like their grandmother. Now isn't that silly but that is where my mind goes. I am stressing about feeding all of them because I would rather not eat then have to cook. When your health gets you down, and you become overweight on top of it, it's hard to come back. It is so much easier to stay in your little world but I did love the world more when I was able to be participate in it more.
So now that bowling is over for the summer I really don't need to leave my house most of the time. That is one reason I take Skye to classes at PetSmart because it gets me out of the house. I do run errands once in awhile and have been out a little more because of my new venture. So that is a good thing. I feel like I am making progress in my little world. So what I am asking for is a little bit of Prayer. This is not a poor me post, most days I am really happy in my little world. I just need strength and desire. I am so excited to have them come and visit me. I just want some lust for life back. I am 57 years young and it is not easy when your mind is full of ideas, things you want to do, races you would love to run, or just clean your house and your body isn't able to give you what you request. So appreciate what you have each day because you don't know when it will be gone.
P.S. My husband has been telling me for years to hire a maid but I just can't seem to do that because to me I would be admitting to my failure. (I also have this fear of being robbed because they know all about your house)