Thursday, October 14, 2010

LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST

I was having a conversation with my husband on the eve before my 59th birthday. I was sharing with him how I fear turning 60. I don't like who I have become or how I look today. This isn't the person I wanted to be. I have not given much thought to other milestones I have passed. My mother passed away at 56 and I know that she was not happy at that point in her life. I had no intentions of following in her footsteps yet here I am feeling that I have learned nothing from her unhappiness. That makes me very sad.

My husband said that 60 is a number that he believes most people fear reaching. To many it means the ending of their career is about to take place in the future and a whole new part of life is nearing. The part that we always felt people are old at that age. I know it's not true but I never imagined myself at this age. Grandparents are this age and I can't even claim that one.

I told him that I have always heard so many good things about reaching 40 and even reaching 50. The time of your life when you are finally yourself and loving yourself. The news media talks about these ages frequently however I don't hear many stories that make 60 sound awesome.

I was reading a post today from Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace on the passing of time and that is what got me thinking about my life. The things that I hold onto that only have meaning to me and the time I put into loving these items when I should be putting my time into the importance of living in the here and now.

One of things that I have always felt grateful for is the knowledge that is available to us today. My mother suffered from depression for several reason but she didn't have the knowledge of them at the time. Not feeling loved from her parents was one reason, having a parent who was an alcoholic was another and the depression that can come from being overweight. It was very easy for her to fall into a pattern of drinking also. Seeking help pretty much came with a prescription to Valium or something along that line. I also felt that if my mother was around today she would be so much happier with the treatments that we have now. But would she?

I have the knowledge of today yet do I grasp at it and change my life for the better. I don't think so. High blood pressure runs in my family on both sides. So here I am on medication and we all know that is not good enough. Treating this is something that I can do with weight loss, exercise and a healthy diet. So what has this knowledge done for me? I can sit here a wallow in self pity which doesn't bring any change at all. Change is a difficult hurdle to get over while staying in the same routine is easy but not very smart.

I have had success with two different diet in my lifetime. Weight Down Workshop which I did through my church. Follow a simple plan and turn to your Bible for inspiration. Eat half of what you would normally eat and feed yourself like a baby does. Eat only when you feel stomach hunger and stop when you are full. In time this actually works and I was very successful, then you get lazy falling into your old routine in time. The second one was the South Beach Diet and I found it very easy to do. Stuck with it for a very long time and lost 47 pounds. Then you decide to order a pizza again because you haven't had one in a long time and you being to slip off the path you were one. It is very true that the more carbs you eat the more you desire and when you don't have them in your diet you do not crave them.

So why is it that with this knowledge I am currently letting myself continue down this path of weight gain again. I know better but change is not easy to come by yet I know in my heart that I am setting myself up for an early death. Just like smoking, why did I think that I could smoke and not have it effect my lungs. Hello Debby you do know that you have asthma don't you! I quit two years ago but I have to admit that I have a few from time to time with my daughter recently. Don't worry, I am not heading in that direction again.

In line with my point here I was reading through a recent People Magazine and they had an article called "Chic at every age" which is exactly what I was talking about in the first few paragraphs on this post. They start out with Taylor Swift (20) in the group of women in their 20's, listing woman in their 30's, 40's and 50's ending with Anjelica Huston (59). No they did not go into being chic in your 60's!!!!!

I know this isn't a fun post and I'm sorry about that but this is where my head is right now. I plan to make some changes because I want to be a hot 60 year old next year!

You don't need to comment, just getting some things off my chest. (Double D's)


22 comments:

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

I know I don't need to comment..but I really NEED to comment here...I just turned 61. And I love it. I h ave age and wisdon and experience and love and tenderness and insight..and fun. I don't take myself too seriously..I can laugh at myself and I enjoy spending time with myself..but I am NOT remarkable..or special..or any of those things. What I am is blessed..I cheated death {cancer}..I had aterrible first marriage..kids too early..broke..stupid and fat. I was blessed with finding Mr. B..with realizing the love of my family..and by embracing what I know is good in me.
You are special..to ma and to many many others. You are loved by your family and you love and are loved by God's most perfect little creatures. You have a beautiful home..and you are a beautiful spirit. I've not "met" you, but I KNOW these things from your writings and your sharing of your heart..and your heartbreak.
I know it's hard to accept the aging process..and it's inevidible..BUT..you can embrace all that is good in it...not having to please anyone but yourself...not needing approvals for your thoughts, actions, your LOOK..

I'm also glad you felt comfortable enought to share your feelings here- that's an important step..one my OWN very depressed mother could never do..and in the words of another great blogger-friend...just breathe..just let yourself be loved by YOU..take care of that little girl you once were and still are..love her..protect her and stand up for her..she's worth it.

Sorry to ramble, but I am passionate about this time in our lives..please email me at any time..Love to you!
-me

Nichol said...

I don't have much to say Debby, but I feel anyone can feel their best at any age, it's only a number right. If YOU feel you need to make changes, then do it! Feel better for yourself and be that sexy 60 year old, you can do it. Hugs!

Christina Lee said...

I think it's GOOD you are thinking these kind of things through. So I am just going to give you a BIG virtual hug!

Holly said...

The first step is wanting to change things. I think we all have things we want to change about ourselves.

My hubby had a wellness screening at work and his BP, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc (everything except glucose) was high. I told him you have to start changing this now before it gets worse and we don't have you around. He got a bicycle and rides it almost every night. He's done great at sticking with it. He hasn't done so great in his diet, which is something he needs to change too. But at least he's taken one step in the right direction.

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you Debby. I think it is good you are thinking about these things and realizing you need to make changes in your life regarding your health and your well being. I will be 53 later this year; when I hit the milestone birthdays (30/40/50) they didn't phase me too much except my body let me know I was older (more aches and pains). I know it is possible to make changes and get healthier and in the long run we always do feel better when we are lighter in weight and are more active in exercise. I think you are at the stage where you realize you start to need to make those changes, kind of like when people are smoking, some don't want to even think about quitting, some start thinking about quitting, some start acting on quitting, etc. I think you are at that stage where you definitely know a change needs to come about and will start making them. Will it be easy? Change never is. I resist change but it always seems like it comes out all working good afterwards.

I don't know if any of this made sense.

Six weeks ago I just started keeping track of what I ate, didn't matter what I ate or drank as long as I measured out portion sizes and recorded it and I made an effort to get back to the gym. I haven't weighed myself but I went down a size in pants so its working and I'm eating what I want just watching portion sizes. I find having it on paper really makes a difference on choosing what to eat and how much of it to eat

I believe by 60 you very well could be one healthy "hot" mama!

betty

EmptyNester said...

Pretty sure you are NOT alone with any of this! Once I hit 50 I have spent nearly every single day trying to slow down time. I am off the path of healthy lifestyle living right now with the exception of walking the dogs 3 miles every day. All that sugar just screams my name hourly! I don't have the answer. I, like you, know what I want and what I need to do to reach it, but here I sit. Maybe reaching out like this and getting our thoughts out there will be a key to success?

Tonja said...

Recently, I saw this question....."HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU DID NOT KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE?"

I think I would be 42...so that's how I think of myself now. Regardless of what what the actual age is...I choose to be 42...so that's what I am! And really, all that matters is what I feel.

I have leg my weight get way out of control too. But, am now beginning to work on it. I want to be a slim, fun grandmother!

Deborah Ann said...

I'm sure there are many woman, myself included, who are fighting the aging process, hitting the breaks with everything that's in us, but no luck stopping the progression. But...that's okay! I think you have reached a turning point, by the sound of it. This could be a God thing! And that's good, because there's something on the horizon for you. I can almost reach out and touch it.


The diet thing - it really has to be a lifestyle change. I did the Weigh Down diet too, and like you, I gave up after a while and ate everything in sight.

So I decided to have my cake and eat it too. Here's what's working for me: Yogurt with fruit and nuts for breakfast, vegies and nuts for lunch, and then ANYTHING I WANT for dinner. Then later on in the evening I can indulge in a treat. But I guess each of us has our own way of surviving.

Whenever I'm feeling down, I play the happy game. I think of 10 things I'm thankful for, and that pulls me right out of the rut. Maybe that would work for you? You have so much to be thankful for. And when you start practicing thanksgiving, you'll be surprised at how happy and hopeful you'll feel!

So...Happy Birthday! Happy, happy happy.. .)

blueviolet said...

The only way I have ever lost weight is by counting calories. It works for me because I can allow myself the things I love (and are bad for me) but I have to build it into my day's allotment. I'm not one for strict diets because I'll explode at the end.

I go back and forth on being comfortable with me and who I am. I'm sorry you're kinda at a crossroads here.

Randi Troxell said...

i am so sorry you feel bad.. if i could i would give a hug out right now...
i struggle too.. with always feeling my best.. AND treating ME as i should.. but we both know how that goes...

i will be thinking of you.. and sending little prayers your way..

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Debby I think this is an amazing post it's so real and you! That is why I love you. It's hard when we don't see ourselves the way we thought we would be at an age. We look in the mirror and see someone who doesn't reflect what we see when we think of ourselves. Weight as you know is a big issue in my life too, finding that perfect lifestyle. I'm there with you been successful before but now I'm back to where I started.

I think you're pretty darn fab at any age!!! Thank you my friend, and thank you again for my box tops!

Heart2Heart said...

Debby,

And I am going to cheer you on being that HOT 60 year old that feels better at 60 than you did at 40!

Cheering you on and believing you can do it!


Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Amy said...

Hello my friend. It is great to express how you feel. I think we all go through with this. I know you can do anything you put your heart to. I am proud of you and what you do for others. Keep on going you are sexy. Love ya.

trooppetrie said...

i am new to your blog and wanted to let you know how much i am enjoying it

Dena E's Blog said...

Oh Sweetie,, I so get what your meaning here and you just vent all you need to .. We're all right here for you.. One of these days I will do the same and it will probably scare a few away ;0)
I use to tell myself that if i went back to smoking I'd lose a few pounds .. But as my walk has grown even closer to Christ more and more I see how really STUPID that would be.. I just eat very little now for months.. Its my way of life now.. LOTS of yogurt and cottage cheese... Mostly.. Not very healthy since its about all I eat ,,oh and then there is a bowl of honey bunches of oats some days..
Am I getting to old for that or what..??? Oooops this is your blog not mine, I will end at that and say stick to God through all things..
Ok Double D's,, you're a True BEAUTY and don't let anyone get you to thinking otherwise!!!
""May God's Angels Always Keep Watch Over You~~~Blessing You in all You Do""
Love and Hugs Dena
Give yourself and Skye a hug from me and Sissi too

Dena E's Blog said...

And Hey Gorgeous,, thanks sooooo much for the prayers!!!

Garden of Egan said...

You are singing my song my friend.
I lost 53 pounds on the South Beach diet. I've put every since ounce back on. I can't find my diet mojo.

I need to be happy with what I am.

I personally think you are a beautiful woman. You are right and so is your hubby. You need to embrace what you are and feel joy.

E. said...

You will be a hot 60 year odl next year. I'm glad I found your blog.

I have tagged you in a meme. It's here: http://whiningattheworld.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-was-tagged.html

Technodoll said...

Age is but a state of mind... if you feel old you will act old and end up being old.

I've always seen you as a young, vibrant and full-of-life woman who leads a very rich life - who cares what the calendar says?

I plan on coloring my hair and dancing to 80's music until I'm 80, at least! Want to join me? :)

Kerri said...

well im 25 and i get carded for rated R movies still (i guess i shouldnt complain so much) it really bothers me tho because ppl are rude about it ..like at the fair "are u 18?!" in a snobby voice
no im not 18 im 25! mean! lol just wish ppl wouldnt look or treat me like i was a kid ..ppl im with get handed stuff and they pass me up

i guess what im trying to say is no matter what age u are people all have something they wish was different
its not like i want to act older, i am older and just want to be my age

u have quit smoking and that in itself is quite awesome!! :)
u make ur changes and whatever u feel like u need to do but have fun while doing it and make the most of it because ur still living while u are making changes not making changes then living

im trying to lose weight myself but it is so hard because both my parents at one time have abused me and food was my source for the pain and depression which led to more food lol
still working the food issue out but im not going to let anger and abuse be passed on

anyways lol have a great day and ppl love u! smile and laugh

secret agent woman said...

I've noticed that about magazines, too - they'll have articles that have, say, beauty tips for every decade and then stop with '50's! As if women past their '50's can't be beautiful or shouldn't care anymore. I'm approaching that decade but I can't agree with the idea that it's the last good one I get. And not just for appearance - I want to keep growing emotionally, intellectually and spiritually (yes, even we non-believers can be spiritual!) through my whole life. So although I am not entirely enthusiastic about aging, it's surely inevitable and I just want to really live as long as I can.

Dapoppins said...

its always ebb and flow...I think a battle we always have to fight with our very nature is how to be consistent. And I think the key to learning is always getting back up and trying again when you see yourself not being consistent.


Ha, now I need to follow my own advise.

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