Her name is Dorothy and she is my Mother. Thirty years ago today my Mother passed away. If I remember correctly my Dad and Aunt Laurie were both at the hospital with her but she actually passed away at home. They never called us to come to the hospital. They went to my brothers house to tell him and then they came over to my house. Then my father asked me to drive with him to my sisters house which was further away. I had this vision of walking into her house, crying while we hugged. That never happened, it was kinda strange. Nothing against my sister but she wasn't a hugger. It wasn't until my mothers funeral when my best friend (Diane) walked in and hugged me. (I really needed that) My mother died from a massive heart attack. We played "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at her memorial service.
I remember the evening she passed, getting home and checking in on my sleeping little ones who were 3 and 10 months old. Then I sat down in our family room and cried. I remember the light on the table next to me started to blink. It happened over and over again. I took that as a sign from my mother. I said "Hi Mom" and still do when lights flicker. Nothing was ever wrong with that bulb. I have had this sign from my mother several times over the years. Also at my parents home the clock above the kitchen sink had stopped running which we believe was the time she passed away. It was a plug in clock and no other power ever went out. After her funeral, going back to their home and sitting in the kitchen the clock started running again. We took it as a sign from her, see was okay.
I don't have a lot of memories of my mother. I don't like even saying these words but it is true. I am not sure if I was just born this way or learned to hide memories growing up. I know that my mother was a wonderful woman with a heart of gold. She never stopped helping people in need. She also had some hidden mental illness that was never shared with me as a child. People didn't share things like they do today. When you are younger and you are visiting your mother in the hospital, a place where she was locked in a ward, it would have been nice to have an explanation. I think I may have been in my own little world by then. She even tried to kill herself once and I know my sister found her. No one really talks about it. My family can be quiet about things. Me, I am not so quiet!
Little did I know that nine months after my mother's passing my husband would leave me and I became a single mother. We moved about a year later to a smaller place and I had to start working full time while my children went to day care. Those were hard years. I have never been one to look back and say I had a hard childhood. I remember good times and my needs were always meet as far as I know. I do know that my father worked nights and no one ever seemed to worry about me and my homework. I actually don't remember doing much homework. I look back and wonder how I actually made it through school. I wish I had more memories from my childhood.
Now there are plenty of things I remember about her when I was older and she was suffering in her mind. She also drank a lot. Those were sad times. I have always thought how nice it would have been for my mom to be here today with all the advancements in medications. I think she would have been happy. Back in the day they only gave out Valium and that only numbed her. I do know that when she passed I felt that she was finally happy. What can be better than being in Heaven with God? AMEN!
I miss you Mom and I love you with all my heart.