Friday, July 8, 2016

EX-HAUST-ED

  1. 1.
    drained of one's physical or mental resources; very tired.

I've been home a week now and I'm still exhausted both physically and mentally. I think last Thursday's trip home took everything I had. My body aches from my hips down without any end in sight. 

Mentally I just can't seem to get my act together. Little frustrations here and there which I'm working through. How can three adults living in the house not wash the kitchen dish towels while I'm out of town for 18 days or at least grab clean ones from the drawer! 

I won't get into the other things because they are just things that I have to get over. Thankfully Amber did wash the floors and vacuumed the house. Of course when I got home she sat on a bar stool and said "this is really dusty"....duh!! I've been out of the house for 18 days. Anyone think of dusting? If nothing else just to please me! 

So a fair amount of sadness has taken over inside of me. Of course I miss my dad and he is missing me something terrible which saddens my heart. I had a conversation with my dad one day and he shared with me that he is having trouble dealing with slowing down. I just wanted to break into tears. 

Sure I felt bad for him but I started feeling really sad for me. I told him that he is so blessed to be slowing down at 93! I had to change my life 18 years ago and have to push myself to get things done. I do not have his energy and I'm feeling so jealous of what I won't have in the future. Please forgive my selfishness here. I know I am blessed to be alive and very thankful to God for that.


I'm not ready to give up but I'm not sure how to move forward.  OK....OFF MY SOAPBOX!

So I had to push myself this week to get out on Wednesday and Thursday. I had things that were scheduled in advance before my trip. Needed to take Adam to the airport on Wednesday morning to pick up a rental car for his trip up to Big Sur which he is currently hiking at. So I dropped him off and went to get a pedicure along with picking up a few groceries. 

Wednesday night Amber and I had a dinner planned with a former co-worker from our days at Pam's Hallmark. She is moving back to her home state so we got together for a dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a great evening and we talked for close to three hours! Thankfully we have Facebook to keep in touch. 

On Thursday I had two scheduled doctor's appointments. I had an opthamologist appointment at 9:15 am. I decided to go have my eye's checked. Something I haven't done in probably 20 years. Thought I would see where my eyes were at with cataracts. All went well, no issues at this time. 

I am going to go for some other testing but it is to get a baseline to follow in the future for glaucoma. She didn't see any signs of it now but because of my steroid use over the last 40 years it can be one of the side effects. I do have to say that I did not enjoy the dilation of the eyes at all. 

Next up was my first visit ever with a dermatologist. I have a very small tag forming on my eyelid so I thought I would have it looked at. Of course tags are no longer covered by insurance but I will get it removed along with others that seem to show up under the breasts. I haven't scheduled that appointment yet but I will. 

The good news is that he didn't see any major signs of sun damage at all and no signs of anything else forming on my body which was great news. He said the only thing I am guilty of is extremely dry skin on my arms and legs. I told him I moisturize all the time but he wants me to stop using all lotions. 

I need to start using a thick cream with mineral oil in it. He suggested Excipial which I picked up at CVS but will search for some better prices online. I have to admit it really keeps my skin hydrated all day long. I have always bought high end moisturizer like SIBU so I will continue to use up the stock I have right now. I always shopped big when they have their buy one get one sales!

So that's what is going on in my neck of the woods. I am going to keep pushing myself, get moving more and make the most out of my life. I have a bucket list trip coming up in month from today and I need all my strength for this one!!! 

Sorry for the long post but I felt I needed to share where I'm at today......

Have a wonderful weekend. 

20 comments:

Terra Hangen said...

You are facing a lot of challenges and I admire your spirit. That was good to have the two check up doctor appointments, just to see everything is A-OK and get some tips, like the skin product. I hadn't heard of that product before. Take care and schedule in some fun, like a restaurant lunch.

Chatty Crone said...

I agree with Terra - you have so much on your plate - your sandwiched in between you dad and your kids and it is tough. You hate leaving your dad. It is sad. Then you come back and there is a lot of work. Then you run every day - no wonder you are tired.

Try to take a day or two for YOU!

Hugs and prayers.

Sandra said...

i popped over to read about the cream, and found that you can't ingest this..thought i would tell you that in case you missed it. he he he
i am using a cream right now, Gold bond, not lotion but cream and wonderng if it helps like this stuff does.
you are exhausted because you ran ran ran and rode rode rode.. now you need to rest rest rest and let the OTHERS do the dusting... i am just so funny right???? i read an article this week that said 33 percent of all adults age 25 to 34 live with their parents now... just so you know.
i wonder if the leg pain is from sitting for so long while on vacation. sorry about your dad

Mevely317 said...

I'm so sorry to hear you're a bit down right now. Sure, and I think that's totally understandable, particularly when a part of your heart lies on the other side of the country. (Any chance your dad would sell his place and relocate nearer y'all?)

So glad you saw a dermatologist! I've always been careless about my skin, but finally hauled myself over for a check-up two years ago. At that time, she discovered a pre-cancerous spot on my nose ... and just last month, another two. Crazy, since I spend as LITTLE time as possible outdoors.

Take good care of yourself, my friend ... and while you're at it, how about indulging in a massage? :)

Carla from The River said...

Sending you a big HUG!
I pray that God will guide you in knowing how to change some of what hurts you so.
I do agree with the other comments, you need to take care of YOU!
xx oo
Carla

TexWisGirl said...

i think it is natural to get into a funk. i have been thru quite a few, myself, in the last year. the bad part is when you can't shake them. but i know you will. :) and i know it's hard for you and your dad...

Lea said...

Well, I'm sure you had a fair amount of sadness when you left your Dad and your coming home to a less than stellar situtation just added fuel to your fire. I get it! And, yes, your Dad is soooo blessed to even be able to get about at 93. Hoping you have had a good weekend and the week ahead will hold joy multiplied.

betty said...

I think when people are used to things running smoothly, like you do to try to keep things running at your place, they don't realize the effort put into it or the fact that it continues to need to be done even if the main person who does it is gone (does that make sense?) For instance, I do the majority of the work here, laundry, housework, etc. Hubby realizes it gets done but it is not in his realm of doing since I've been doing it for awhile (except when I was on strike for those 4 years) so he just assumes it will be done and doesn't think about doing it himself unless it would inconvenience him, like being out of clothes, etc. It probably didn't even dawn on them to do much more than what they were used to doing.

I can see why you would be exhausted too. It was a hard travel day for you plus you wonder with your dad's age will you see him again, etc. So many emotions going on especially with all that has gone on in this year. Allow yourself a time of rest and relaxation.

betty

Mara said...

Sometimes it's the small things that get you down more than the big things. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time, trying to become a little less sad and a little happier each day. And if not? Have a glass of wine, plonk yourself in front of the telly, grab a box of chocolates and shut the world out!

Joyful Noise for a Joyful Life said...

Thank you for your post. It is so relatable. Glad you are getting checked at Dr. It is a good reminder to all of us to put that on our to do list. Enjoy your trip.

KC Bob said...

I so resonate with what you wrote Debby. I often think that I am too young to have to be dealing with all of these health issues.

Let me know how you like Excipial as I deal with dry skin in the winter when the furnace is cranked up.

Prayers for renewed energy for you and me too.

Michelle F said...

Debby,

I am so sorry things are not going well.
I pray things get better, and soon.

I have really overwhelmed myself with reviews.
It's something I like to do.
But, it takes all my time.
So I'm taking a breather and visiting my bloggy friends.

I have a lower GI and an upper GI procedure coming up soon.
One procedure will be this Thursday and the other will be two Thursday's from this week.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I for one admire you!! I cannot imagine how exhausted you must feel on a daily basis!

Karen Mortensen said...

I hope you start feeling better soon. Take it one day at a time. You will get there.

April said...

No need for apologies, Debby. We're all human and need to vent from time-to-time. What you're experiencing is completely normal. Believe that each day will be better than the day before. Praying for you!

Sharon said...

Yup, I get it, Debby. Sometimes the truth is that we're exhausted, overwhelmed, and bummed out. I've been feeling that way myself in the last few months. It's aggravating to feel my body slow down, not to mention my forgetful brain!

Yes, I hang on to God. But some days it's with my fingernail!!

GOD BLESS!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Hopefully you will feel better in a few days.

I hate having my eyes dilated because it gives me migraines, so I always decline it.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I do believe there are people out there who are practically blind to dust.

I have super dry skin so I am intrigued by the excipial. Looks like its at least a little cheaper on amazon.

Claudya Martinez said...

Hugs, Debby. Please know that caring about yourself and worrying about your future is not being selfish or at least not in a bad way. You should care and pretty please practice loving kindness and compassion for yourself.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

So working on being happy with where I am and working forward :)

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