Monday, March 15, 2010

SLAP ME NOW !

Yes, reach through your screen and slap me.......then say a prayer because someone has possessed this body of mine and I don't like her. I feel like the worst mother in the world right now. Dear daughter if you are reading this I am sorry.

I am having a horrible time with the changes that are happening. One minute I am planning stuff in my head and the next I am crying. I am feeling like someone is taking over my life and making changes without asking me. I feel unappreciated for what I am doing. Granted I'm not doing it with smiles on my face. I am yelling and complaining every step of the way.

I know some of the reasons behind this anger. See because of my asthma I am unable to do allot of things, I get winded easily. My mind doesn't accept this with grace and my heart aches for what I can't do. So my daughter is helping and so is my husband. That means I have to give up my pride. I still want to believe that I can do it all. I am too young for this, my aunt was doing more at 90 then I can do now. It pisses me off! So harsh words come out of my mouth.

I have been moving things to new locations in the house and they are not sitting well with my soul. I liked where their locations were. I understand that they have to be moved or packed up in order to give them our two guest rooms but I'm feeling unsettled. Then I am accused of having too much stuff. We are moving things into our master closet which can handle it all but it looks more like shelves in the garage then a closet.

I have so much to be thankful for. I know this so why am I being such a b*tch! How can someone who has a caring heart treat their daughter/family this way. God has blessed me with so much and I am being a very poor example in His eyes.

Thank you for listening to me. As I am typing this I have been up for over 30 hours. Going to have a glass of wine and hopefully sleep all night.


I'M WAITING FOR MY SLAP
I have read over this several times wondering if I should post it or not. I've decided to post it. I need to be accountable for my actions. I do want you to know that my daughter and I are fine. We can always kiss and make-up. I pray that she can move past my bad days and knows how much I love her.

37 comments:

Brittney said...

We all have bad days. Its okay, dont beat yourself up about it!!!

Stasha said...

I think everyone has days like this. I bet your family understands that these changes are hard on you. Don't feel bad because you feel this way! Give it some time and the 'change' will feel like old business before you know it!

blueviolet said...

Nobody is slapping you! This is a HUGE change, HUGE!!!!! You have every right to struggle with it. It's all going to take time and there will be some tough struggles. I'm sorry! (((hugs)))

DysFUNctional Mom said...

No slaps, sorry. We all have our moments!

Mara said...

How long do you want to wait for your slap? Because it will take a long time I can tell you!

Don't worry about it too much and as long as you and your daughter can kiss and make up (and probably you will need to kiss and make up less as time moves on), I think you will be fine!

Good luck

Lori R. said...

hang in there debby,,, I think sometimes we all just hate disturbance of our comfort zones. I know how loving you are to others and I bet your daughter knows how much this chaos is hard for you...
Prayers for a more settled week and prayers for your health...
(and thanks for your kind words on my blog) hugs ♥♥

Mommy, I'm Home said...

So things are a little off with you at home with all the changes. It's natural to act out. Go easy on yourself.

Kristie said...

This is a big transition and I'm sure there are going to be some rough days. I'm sure your daughter understands and in the end it will all work out. I'll be praying for you :-)

nancygrayce said...

No slap from me....you're probably being nice compared to what I'd be! Change is very hard! I'm praying that you can hang on!!! How long will they be there?

Thena said...

There are days I can't even stand to be around myself so I know it has to be bad for my family. I'm assuming we're around the same age. Are you sure it's not mood swings, mid-life you know one of those things us women are cursed with.

Katherine said...

I have no slaps for you. We all go through hard times, and change can be really hard. I can only imagine how difficult it is not to be able to do all the things you could do before. The only comparison I have is right after my son was born. People wanted to help, and I wanted to believe I could do it all. I'm a little stubborn like that!

Hang in there, and I'm sure your family understands. At least you're able to recognize when you're not being yourself and do something about it!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Hang in there! Don't be so hard on yourself. Your daughter and family understands, I am sure. You are a wonderful person! I hope you were able to get some sleep last night.

Sandy said...

You will get through this, you will all be fine and eventually you will look back at the time they spend with you with happiness.

You know what you have to do.

Amy said...

I am glad you posted this. It is good to get your feelings out.. I owe you a huge e-mail which will be coming. You are a great Mom and I know things are so wild right now. They will get better.. Hugs.. Enjoy the wine and sleep..

Trish said...

Debby...no slaps from me! Just hugs sent your way. Change doesn't come easily for me so, I completely understand. Praying for you my friend...things will work out, they always do.
Love you!

Pen Pen said...

I am with you, girl.... no slaps from me! Hang in there and I'm glad you posted this... makes me feel a little more normal. (((hugs)))

Christina Lee said...

I think the MOST important thing is recognizing it. Seeing the problem outside of yourself. It shows you have compassion and insight. Dont beat yourself up. We are multi-faceted beings and its alright to feel many different ways about something!

Brandy said...

change is always hard. especially when you get set in your ways. And family fights and makes up - it just is.

countrynmore said...

This is a major change for you. I honestly don't know how I would react in the same situation. I am set in my ways, so I guess that it would be hard. Things will get better.

Debby said...

Hi Debby..we all have those days and they will pass. Everything will work out just fine, we just need to be strong.
Hugs,
Debby

christy rose said...

I am going to slap you with prayer Debby! Hope you got some good sleep and are handling things better today. :)

Randi Troxell said...

not many ppl i don't think can TRULY know what you are going through... but i think i sorta do.. i passionantly HATE HATE change (as i've said before).. in fact i tend toward the OCD of normalcy.. so i am certainly praying for you.. thinking of you too...

Kerri said...

me and change dont get along either (i throw up or get dizzy or cry) i worry about everything that could happen
u dont deserve a slap tho
just a hug and a smile :)

when i do get over the change im fine and sometimes u find ur life is better and u wonder why u didnt change sooner lol
atleast with me

Live.Love.Eat said...

I admire your honesty but don't beat yourself up that bad. I am sure it's a big change but enjoy this time because this too shall pass.

Holli Taylor said...

Hang in there Deb, you'll have days(or sometimes weeks) like that. Praying for you!

The Strawberry Mallard said...

Oh my ....join the club doll! ROTFL...well not really but certainly knowing full well what you mean ...

Cottage Cozy said...

I can feel the frustration in your words....sometimes it just feels as though we are out of control...and we are...and that's okay...for a bit...You will pull it back together. At least you can see what you are doing and have the heart and the vulnerability to apologize!

Much Love, Carrie

Cherie said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. Change is hard and it is hard to have kids move back in no matter how much you love them.
It changes things - Your home, your schedule, the rhythm of your household. Adjustments sometimes come with words - LOL.
Smile - no regrets - move on and it will get better!
You are sweet and I am sure your daughter knows hoe much you love her.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

You're an amazing lady and daughters and mom always have their days. It's hard to have someone in your house even when you love them!

When we had the exchange student last year at times I found myself the same way. I had to snap myself out of it many times.

HUGS

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Oh Debby, I'm so sorry your medical problems are keeping you from doing things you want to do. Being dependent on others has to be so difficult. Bless your heart - 30 hours is way too many hours to be up. I hope you had your glass of wine, and I hope you are able to get some rest. As others have said, some of us may not have as much reason to have angry days as you do, but we still have them. Realizing it and regretting it are half of the battle (so many people can't admit that they aren't living life perfectly!). Hang in there. I'm saying a prayer for you. (Your blog looks so pretty). laurie

Sandra said...

Hope you get some sleep...everything always looks brighter in the morning. We have a child that has moved back home too...it does take adjusting...especially me telling him what to do. He has been on his own for a while and does not need my advice unless he asks. I'm zipping my mouth shut!

Garden of Egan said...

OK, here's a slap.........
and then a hug!

Lorie Shewbridge said...

OK Debby, here comes the arm through the computer screen, are you ready... for a HUGE HUG!!
I know how you feel, really. With my back and neck problems, I have had to rearrage things in the house and have had to rely on people to help me with things that I should at 44 years old be able to do on my own. It can be SO annoying and frustrating at times that I can be crying at one minute then raging mad the next. Since it is someone elses fault that I am in this condition (long story for another time) I get extra angry at times knowing that he is living his life with no restrictions - DAMN!!

croleyc69 said...

Hang in there and feel better soon !! {{HUGS}}
Caroline

Holly said...

Sending you a hug! I'm sure all the changes have you out of sorts. It isn't easy to make changes when you're used to how things are. Hoping things get better!

Laura said...

Thinking of you! Hang in there- everyone has days like that- take care of you!!! Tomorrow is a new day... or today was since I am late reading this!
Hugs!
L

Laura said...

Thinking of you! Hang in there- everyone has days like that- take care of you!!! Tomorrow is a new day... or today was since I am late reading this!
Hugs!
L

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