Friday, March 5, 2010

MAKING ROOM IN THE NEST


Well I'm not going to argue with what God has placed before me. My first reaction was horrible. (I am sorry) See I am a person with great patience but CHANGE is a whole other story! I am set in my ways and you don't mess with my ways.

When we were young and had our children you hear all the stories about how awful it is when the nest it empty. It's an adjustment but I personally handled it pretty well. As long as my children were happy I was happy. Even when it meant being far away. I have always told my children that they could live anywhere they want until I have grandchildren, then they have to live near me. (go ahead, call me selfish) I guess I was selfish with that statement because there are not grandchildren coming anytime soon. I am almost 59 and I wanted to be a cool hip grandmother. That's not happening but I was the cool hip great aunt for my sister's grandchildren.

So back to the situation at hand, the one that has had me stressed and a little blue. Our daughter and son-in-law are moving in with us in a few weeks. (Believe me if you could have been a fly on the wall when my daughter and I had a four hour argument, OMG) One thing I know about me is that I need time. We knew there was a chance of this happening and I was already making plans in my head on what we would do to accommodate them. Then when it actually became a reality I crossed over and turned into somebody I did't like.

Take a deep breath Debby and relax. This is your daughter and her husband after all. Parents help their children when they need help. So take some time, think this out because it's going to happen. As you know I don't leave my house much. I am in my PJ's until well into the afternoon. I blog all day and watch movies. Why does my life have to change.

It will be different for all of us. They don't want to come here to live but we have always told them that we are here if they need us. Now nothing awful has happened. Actually we have been telling our SIL to leave the company he is working for. Obviously that really isn't a possibility at this time with the huge numbers in unemployment. His employers are not nice people and he needs to get away from them. On the other hand he makes very good money. So the plan is to live here, get their cars paid off and hopefully get himself a new career. The store our daughter has worked out for six years is closing in a few weeks so she will find a job closer to our home.

I was really upset because this makes big changes for Skye & me. Now this time I am being selfish again. (that's what happens when you were the baby in the family and always had your way) See Skye loves our daughter. I am the bottom of the totem pool when she is around. Skye is the joy in my day and I'm going to miss her hanging with me. I have spent allot of time crying about this. We will also have Charlie living here so rather then having him over once in while and the two of them chasing all over the house, this will be happening every day!

Well anyway it happening and I will look to the bright side. As much as I dislike the fact that we must pack up our two guest rooms so they can have a bedroom & den, it will be okay. These two rooms are at the front of the house so we will all have our privacy. My husband and I still have our offices to retreat to. We will actually only be sharing the kitchen and laundry room. I will also now have my daughter (who comes & cleans house for me now) as a live in maid and I won't have to pay her! I won't be able to have company come out to stay with us :( but that's okay because we had plenty last year. This is a temperary situation and heck I might even grow to love it. Maybe I will be more motivated to go out to the show or shopping with her being here. So say a prayer and cross your fingers. It's going to get a little harder before it gets better. I will keep you posted. (silver lining: they won't be late for family dinners anymore!)

I am thankful for all.

39 comments:

The Strawberry Mallard said...

Oh my ~ You can borrow Angus whenever you want over the next few weeks!
Just remember that there is a lesson you will all learn from this experience ~ and it will bring you closer to Him!
Hugs, Nancy & Angus

Sandy said...

I believe you will look back at this time and wonder what you were worried about. You didn't say how long you expect them to stay but think about how quickly time goes by. Plus how blessed they are that they can turn to you for help and you can provide it.

Kristie said...

I hope this change goes smoothly for you and your daughter and her husband. I'll be praying for you! :-)

Andrea said...

Change is often difficult, but usually well worth it. I usually look back and wonder what the big deal was??
Blessings, andrea

Joyce said...

Well I understand all the anxiety. Change is always a little bit (sometimes alot) painful. But hopefully this will be smooth and its short term and you'll probably look back and think why was I worried? Sometimes there is unexpected joy in change. Hoping that is true for you.

Amy said...

That is a big change. You are a great parent for opening up your home.

I moved back in with my parents when I was almost done with college. Then moved away..

Then my husband and I lived with his parent's for three months and then moved out. It is a change but they will move at some point.

YOu can still do what you need to do. It just will be a little different.

They will not be there forever..

Have a great weekend.

Brandy said...

that is tough. we want to be there for our family but yeah - we need our own space. luckily you have a good sized home and maybe it won't be too bad. I thought living with the crazy nana would do me in, but I survived.

Together We Save said...

It is so wonderful you are willing to be there for your daughter even though you are less than excited about it. You will make it!! Just hang in there.

nancygrayce said...

As I sit here in my pj's at my computer, I completely feel your pain! I did not have empty nest syndrome and I don't want anyone coming back home to live and my dogs love the kids better too!

However, our son who graduates from college at the end of April will be living back at home until he has a job and saves enough money to get his own place.

So, he will even expect me to cook! I am tired of cooking. I don't like change either and I've had about as much of it as I can stand! So what I guess I'm trying to say is this....YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHY!!!

Cop Mama said...

I know it sounds challenging, but I bet it will go better than you expect. Take care :-)

Garden of Egan said...

I feel your pain.......really.

We have an apartment attached to our home cause we live in a college town and everyone here has a house like that.

At different times in various situations our married kids have all come home.

Our oldest son had been married 3 months when he had a horrible accident skiing. They moved in with us for 8 months before our renters left the apartment and our son could move down there.
Then our 2nd son moved into the apartment for a few months with his wife. Then moved out, then she went into preterm labor a year later and they moved back in with us until our renters moved out and then they moved into the apartment.
Our oldest child, a daughter and her hubby just moved into the apartment after being on their own for 7 years. He was laid off from his job in Houston and they are starting over.
Ya, I know how you feel. I'm glad we have an apartment that they can move into.
I would hate to think of any of my kids moving back in with us now. I do like my space, my routine and my clean house.
I am sure you will do great cause you are just that kind of person.
It will be a challenge, but you know it isn't forever.
Hang on! I'm thinkin' of ya!

christy rose said...

I will be praying that this situation turns out to be the best time of your life!!!

jennifer said...

Debby, you don't sound selfish, you sound scared of change! If you were selfish, they wouldn't be coming to live with you, plain and simple. You have opened your home and now you are opening your heart, allowing us to see your honest emotions. Honey, it's okay to experience normal, reasonable emotions to new situations. Please don't beat yourself up over it.

I am going to pray that God blesses you through this. I am going to pray that he blesses your daughter and her husband as well.

And yes, Skye may be distracted for the first little bit, but hopefully after a while, she will become accustomed to the change (bored even) and you will get your baby back. I'll pray about that too.

Hugs!

Randi Troxell said...

i completely understand where u are coming from.. i hate hate change too, with a passion...

and it may be hard.. but i think/ know you can do it... and doncha worry bout sky.. she knows who her momma is! i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers..

have a great wkend!!

Mara said...

I couldn't imagine moving back in with my parents at all. And I know for a fact that my parents don't want me (or my brother or sister)back in their home (they've said so after my sister moved out). But if there is no other solution, I guess it's a different matter. And no matter how much you love your daughter and son-in-law, they will still be 'intruding' on your turf.

I wish you a lot of strength over the next period, but also a lot of joy and fun!

Colleen said...

There will be an end and hopefully, you will have that good feeling in your heart knowing you have been there for them and are a patient and loving example as to how to live their lives. It all comes back to us, all these tiny blessings:-)

kyooty said...

well the more we get together together together the more we get together the happier we'll be...? maybe? ACK!!!! Just keep writing and reminding yourslef it's your house :P

Holli Taylor said...

How lucky is your daughter to have parents like you. I think my mom would die before she'd let our family move in!

Tonja said...

I would imagine that your daughter and sil are not too happy to give up their privacy either! But, there are lessons to be learned in all things...and there will be in this. It will be better than you think. Usually all those things we worry about are the things that never happen. Change is hard...especially when you get things in life in a pattern like you like. It will be fine...just wait!

AmazingGreis said...

Having your daughter (and her husband) at your home will be different at first, but I have no doubt that you will get use to it. And if it's just temporary the time might fly and they'll be out again before you know it. YOU CAN DO IT!

Sonya said...

I'm sure it will be an adjustment. There are always benefits and drawbacks. At least it is temporary. I hope they are thankful that you're willing to do this for them!

Life is good! said...

i understand completely! we love our children but i think it is much easier to like them from a bit of a distance. good luck to you all with this transition. i'll bet it works out just fine and hey i don't think you need to change a thing, pjs, tv and blogging all day, why does it have to stop? have a great one!

Adoption of Jane said...

Just Breathe ;)

blueviolet said...

You're taking a positive spin on this now and that will help to make it a more positive experience. Although it won't all be happiness, you really have put a lot of thought into it and setting up the house for privacy was an excellent idea. :) You know I'll be thinking about you!

Seizing My Day said...

I pray that you all adjust and enjoy! I am sure God will use this time in all of your lives to build character... and grow you closer still! that is the story of my life... challenges that bring out the ugly and change it to good... ;) or just bring out the good... but usually the ugly surfaces a little!! ;)
bless you for being a faithful mommy!
Just Jenn~ www.seizingmyday.com

xinex said...

Hi Debby, I think you might actually enjoy this. It will just be like old times, your daughter and you hanging out, cooking together and shopping together. Look on the bright side and good luck!..Christine

ModernMom said...

You my dear are generous to a fault. It is not selfish to think of yourself, and Skye too. You are such a good Momma!

Mommy, I'm Home said...

I understand where you're coming from, Debby. Since I'm usually home most of the day with just Chica, it does tend to throw me off when others are here. Hang in there...

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh Debby you're a SWEET mama it's hard to have change of routine. No more reading blogs naked? LOL ;)

The difference between you and my parents is you at least offer and are there :). You're so sweet and have such a big heart and I know the cleaning will help you a lot! Skye will see her everyday get over it and then be back to being a mommies!

Gay Vaughan said...

Just letting you know about my linky party called Tribe Talk. Check it out!
~Gay~
itsahodgepodgelife.blogspot.com

Kirby3131 said...

I stayed a month with my Mom in October - but I didn't bring my husband. Oh goodness it would have been an entirely different situation had he been with me lol

I hope you have the greatest time ever with your grown daughter and your SIL. It will be an adjustment, but I hope that you all lay the ground rules so that everyone knows what is expected of them. That way you all can enjoy the reconnection and can part again with love and respect.

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Looking on the bright side, you might become much closer to your daughter -- not just physically, but emotionally. We have lived with my husband's parents for a short period, and our son and daughter-in-law lived with us for a while (and I become much closer to my daughter-in-law). I hope that you will find out that you are, contrary to expectations, really enjoying the daily company of your daughter.

myletterstoemily said...

thank you for your transparency and honesty
in sharing the new transition.

i pray it all turns out even better than you
hope and that all the relationships will be
even sweeter.

blessings,
lea

croleyc69 said...

Best of luck to you and I will be praying things go well. I know it's tough and we still have living issues with my step-son yet. I can relate in a way. {{HUGS}}
Caroline

RobynsOnlineWorld said...

Just think of how much closer this might give you the chance to be with your daughter and SIL!

Goose Hill Farm said...

All will be well, my friend! Change can be a GOOD thing!

Blessings~
Laura

Stefany said...

I would be feeling a bit selfish too. Try to think of all the good things that can come of this. Skye will know who mama is... no worries. The new excitement will wear down and you will all settle into a routine.

Hugs to you on this transition! Thanks for linking up on Saturday!

Holly said...

It'll be a big change but it won't last forever!! I know I'd be feeling a little selfish b/c of the intrusion of my space and time. Hope all goes well!

Live.Love.Eat said...

You're doing such a good thing although it's hard. My parents took me in for a few months before I moved to FL on my own. Thanks to them, I was able to make a fresh start and now my life is truly blessed. That's why I truly enjoy inviting them into my own home as often as I can and spoil them with dinners!!!!

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