GIVE THANKS IN ALL THINGS

(This will be long, I want it for my records so don't feel obligated to read it)

My Visit To The ER

Life can throw you a curve ball from time to time and what you do with it is important. I am not happy about getting sick but I do believe that timing is everything. I could have gone into the hospital any day the week of the 15th but I didn't. I went in on Sunday the 21st. 

If the doctor in the ER hadn't noticed something odd going on we may not have known. There was a group of people around me in my room in the ER. Normal blood pressure measurements didn't show it. Showed my heart rate to be normal when actually it was beating at 180 and would go down to 137, then back up.

So I was admitted about six hours later. I hadn't felt well since getting home from New York and laid around doing breathing treatments and started my steroids. I would have a good day and then the next day was bad. I am super stubborn when it comes to going to the hospital. Not a good thing but I'm always afraid it will be for nothing and I will be embarrassed. 

So let's talk about the other doctor....I loved her! (I hope to get an appointment with her) She is way out there when it comes to sharing information. She came in saying "Your lungs are gorgeous, too bad you have COPD."  

Then she said "it's not your heart it is your lungs, I'm sending you into pulmonary rehab and if that doesn't work we will see about getting you new lungs but of course we have to hurry because they don't like to do them after 70!"

Then after I was admitted because we couldn't get my heart to stabilize she was like "If we can't get your gut down, get more space for you to breathe by getting you moving with the pulmonary rehab and a diet than we are going in and cutting it out! I'm guessing she has a thing for surgery!"

If you follow on Facebook you know most of everything that has gone on. The outcome was that I do have Atrial Fibrillation. Now keep in mind that I was in the hospital 2 years ago for chest pressure. My heart was ruled out, it was my lungs and the COPD. 

Side note: I had spent two years with a cardiologist which started before that hospital visit. I have had every possible test for the heart including an angiogram, stress tests and echocardiogram. He eventually dropped me because there was no reason for me to see a specialist. He was a nice guy and has since retired but he said everything is perfect except for one possible little thing.....which he would never tell me! 

That was about a year ago and I can tell you now that I know something has been off for awhile. Nothing I could pinpoint except for the possibility that my COPD was getting worse. My energy level was giving out compared to what I could do prior to that and I didn't have the same drive to do things. 

So back to my current hospital visit....it took a few days to get the heart regulated. It isn't exactly regulated yet but it was in a safe place, wasn't spiking like before. I had gone in on Sunday morning and went home on Tuesday afternoon advised to continue on bed rest for a week.

Two new medications were added to my already 9 prescription that I take. (two of my other medications have since been removed) So I am on a time released calcium blocker to regulate my heartbeat and a blood thinner.

Here is what I know. My lungs are good and controlled pretty well on my medications. My latest heart echo shows a beautiful healthy heart. I had no blockages and no blood backup from the AFIB. If we can keep it all under control I should be able to live my life like I have been but with more caution for injury.

The bottom line is that they both give you shortness of breath and I have no clue when the heart is in fibrillation. I now have a oxygen pulse monitor which will help me to determine if my heart rate is spiking.  I had a very good appointment with one of the doctor's and he answered all my questions. I will see him again in two weeks.

We are working on getting me into the Pulmonary Rehab program. You have to evaluated first and the first available appointment is October 31st! I hope I pass because I would love to find ways to get my lungs stronger so I can exercise.

My new diet is the TLC (Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes) and it is rather easy to follow. You could say it is the total reverse of a Low Carb Diet. Sure there are some changes when it comes to meat and dairy but I'm okay with that.

I still won't be eating the bad carbs because I've been doing that for years. The good carbs are the oatmeal, brown rice and whole grains which I was eating in moderation. Dairy is a little different for me because I love cheese but I can work with it. Hard to find no fat or low fat cheese!!!

So I was cleared for all my normal activities including bowling. Now here is something I didn't expect. I'm not sure if I shared with you about the time I tripped back in May in the movie theater. The rubber of my Birkenstock sandal caught on the rubber of the stair edge and I fell forward. I got right up, found a seat and watched the movie. 

A few days later my right leg was all bruised which wasn't a surprise. A few weeks later my left knee started to hurt. I ended up seeing my doctor because at times it was painful and I was heading to Florida to see my Dad. 

He gave me a pain pill for sleeping and we were going to watch it for awhile with the hopes that it would just heal on its own. I did okay in Florida, it hurt but not terribly. Made it through New York too, some minor discomfort but workable. 

So for some odd reason last week it flared up. Constant throbbing. I went to bowling (I had missed the first day) and I bowled. Not well of course because I need to keep it straight so I couldn't do my normal approach. Pretty much bowled like a kid walking up to the line and throwing the ball!  

Come Friday it was even worse so I ended up going to the doctor and getting an x-ray. I ended up seeing a Nurse Practitioner who was very nice. Doctor's were not in on Friday. The anti inflammatory medication so gave me was kicked out at the pharmacy for drug interaction and they never got back to them that day. So I haven't had anything other than Tylenol which doesn't do much. 

I did get a call from the Nurse Practitioner yesterday. I have a minor alignment issue in my knee. I will be referred to a orthopedic specialist and take it from there. It hurts when I walk or with any movement. I am picking up a prescription for another pain medication and hoping that it give me some relief. 

My lungs feel good and my oxygen level has improved which is wonderful. My stamina isn't quite there but I definitely have improvement which makes me hopeful for more.....

How are you feeling???

(No Hodgepodge Today)

WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE

Volume 278

Join in the fun.....

Thank you Joyce! 

1. It's National Waffle Day (August 24th)...what decision are you currently 'waffling over'? (or share one you've recently 'waffled over')

Nothing specific. Have been giving some thoughts to getting a puppy. It's been a hard year and I need a boost. Of course after being in the hospital this week the thought of a puppy is way in the future because of my strength and energy right now. Mark doesn't have the same waffling feelings I do! 

2. It's the middle of August, but I'm already seeing lots of autumn-related posts. Do you think we rush the seasons? If so, does that bother you? I saw (here) an end of summer bucket list that included-

make s'mores, read a new (or favorite) book in the park, eat something delicious and bad for you at a state fair, be a tourist for the day, have a pot luck picnic, book a last minute summer getaway, relax by or in the pool, take a hike to watch the sunset, have a day on the lake, try a new summer recipe

Which activities on the list might you squeeze in before summer officially comes to a close? 

Yes I do think we rush the season's although it is not necessarily us but merchandiser's but after working at Hallmark for 7 years it is just the process of time and filling the shelves with the next holiday. I will probably read a new book and maybe sit by our pool in our community.

3. Your favorite summertime 'art' found in nature?

I am going to go with watching the butterflies in our yard and the amazing amount of hummingbirds we have this year coming to our flowers. 

Speaking of that I watched a movie on TV in the hospital that was so amazing. Wings of Life narrated by Meryl Streep. (IMDb) (Disneynature) So many things would not be here without the flower!!

4. Stephen R. Covey is quoted as saying 'We judge ourselves by our intentions, and others by their actions.' Agree or no? Do you define yourself based on your intentions, your actions, or something else? 

I am going to disagree but mainly because I just read this quote: "You think you're a good guy because of you base yourself of your intentions; while the whole world is reacting to your actions. The results in your life today are based on your actions yesterday." Actually I tend to base myself on my actions. 

5. Are you useful in a crisis? Elaborate. 

I believe I can be. My mind works pretty hard at working out a solution to a problem and finding the right words to say to those in need of comfort. 

6. What's been your go-to dish this summer? Is it something you'll continue making as the seasons change?

I don't think we have had one this summer other than our usual tradition of Friday night pizza. We started with Home Run Inn Pizza from Chicago over a year ago which we can buy at Sprout's. 

They are the most amazing frozen pizza on the market. Saves us a ton of money compared to ordering and having something delivered. Yes of course that will continue......

7. Adult coloring books are a thing now. Have you jumped on the bandwagon? If not is this something you think you might enjoy?

I have but I haven't colored a lot yet. I bought the books right away. I have two tiny travel ones that I started to color in. Just worked on one in the hospital.

8.  Insert your own random thought here. 

If you follow me on Facebook you will know that I went to the hospital on Sunday. I hadn't felt well since returning home from our exhausting trip to New York. Heck I still haven't posted about Florida in June so it may be awhile before I get NYC blogged. I will be writing a post about the hospital because I like to keep a journal here! 

I have new issues which I will explain. Blessings for the timing which I believe in strongly. So besides my COPD/Asthma I now have Atrial Fibrillation of the heart. Anyway I am home and will be working on breathing treatments, resting and getting accustomed to the new medications this week. 

As bad as it may sound there is hope for a better way of life for me. Heart vs Lungs.....they both can give you shortness of breath and figuring out which it is at the time!!! Seeing the new doctor next Tuesday because we have work to do.......

I do have to miss opening day of bowling this week but have high hopes of being there next week. 

TESTING ONE TWO THREE

Home from my test at the hospital. I cannot use my right arm for three days, it's in a sling! I had a Cardiac Catheterization. Had to be at the hospital 5:30 am, test was at 7:30 am and I was released at 11:30 am.

Good new is that my heart is perfect, strong and no blockages at all. Unfortunately we have absolutely no answers as to why my breathing is labored at rest and none of the normal medications are bringing me relief. Have to see the cardiologist for a follow up next week and need to call my primary doctor to find out what's next. 

Will be off my computer the next few days.  Way to stressful to type with one hand! Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes.

Have a nice weekend.....

AN UNFOURSEEN PART TWO

If you follow me on Facebook you already know this and I appreciate all the heartfelt messages and prayers......(This will be long so don't feel obligated to read it) 

I didn't know my post "The Moment" from Friday was going to have a part two!  I worked on that post a few different days last week and had it scheduled to post on Friday morning. 

Little did I know that something was going to happen to me during the night on Thursday, or more precisely at 1 am Friday morning. 

I had another awakening only this time it was personal. It was as though I was pushed up into a sitting position in bed, beyond my control. I had a pressure in my chest that I have never felt before in my life. 

I have told my cardiologist who I was assigned last summer because of the Acute Pericarditis I had that I don't know heart pain. I know lung pain because of my 40 years of experience with it. I believe that what I was feeling was heart but it wasn't a pain but extreme pressure. 

I immediately went into my side table drawer and reached in for the tiny little bottle of nitroglycerin pills that they gave me last summer. I walked into my office off the bedroom, sat down, took a pill and waited. All I could think about doing was praying to God "Please don't take me now, I'm not ready" so that's what I did!

My mind was going a million miles a minute wondering what I should do. Should I tell Mark??? Should I go to the ER???  Am I having a heart attack??? This wasn't a feeling I've ever felt with my lungs before. 

The last thing I want to do is go to the ER and be sent home because I have indigestion or heartburn! Of course that statement is silly because I never ever have heartburn or indigestion although I did take a tums that night! 

I took another pill and was feeling some relief. I didn't dare go back to sleep in fear of dying. It was like 4 1/2 hours before Mark got up when I told him what happened. He said you want to go to the ER and I told him all the things I just told you. 

I made a decision to call my cardiologist as soon as I could and go see him. I was out of the house by 9 am. The EKG they took was not good. (Reminded me of an EKG that landed me in a cardiologists office 10 years ago when I was first put on High Blood Pressure medication) So he told me to go to the ER, I'm like "your kidding me right" and he said "no, tell them that I sent you."  I was lucky this time and should have gone right away in the middle of the night......

Thankfully the ER moved very quickly because waiting is never fun in the ER. They admitted me to the hospital. From what I was told the ER ended up being one of their worst days in a long time and they couldn't even get beds for people. I was glad to be processed fast. Was in a hospital room by 1:00 pm. 

Bottom line here is that the plan of action was to do a drug induced stress test on Saturday. If it showed something we would follow with a angioplasty on Sunday. Had to fast with not even water after midnight and the test wasn't even started until noon. 

Boy was I hungry. They also wouldn't give me my medications so my lungs started getting very tight. Finally they called the doctor and they gave me my morning medications and a jello around 11 am, along with some oxygen. 

So the test came back around 6 pm and the heart looks great which was great news. My mother died of a massive heart attack at 56 and her father also died of one. What we know and what plans the doctor's often take follow family history right? I think I now have my own history because no one else has my lung issues. I'll explain why. (I know too long already.......)

The admitting hospital doctor had come up to meet me on Saturday morning and was a very nice man. We talked about what had happened to me. I told him about the pressure, we talked about how long it lasted and a few other details. He said on Saturday I don't believe this is your heart, I think it is pulmonary. Smart man! 

So they are releasing me and I'm thinking "okay it's not heart but pulmonary so why not bring in a specialist for that while I'm here" but it doesn't work that way. Blah, blah, blah......so I will continue with my referral for the Pulmonary Specialist which my regular doctor is working on. 

The HMO wants a recent chest x-ray which I just received the paperwork to go for but I am going to call tomorrow to see if they can use the hospital one which our doctor has access to rather than go again. Just had it on Friday. Also all blood work tests were good, nothing out of the ordinary.

In the mean time I have done some extensive research which is a good thing. I need answers, I'm tired of not having the answers. I know my health, I know my lungs and I know what I feel. Twenty years ago I was in a doctors office for a checkup after treatment for a lung infection. So the doctor listens to my lungs, said everything sounds good and I burst out crying "BUT I CAN'T BREATH." That is when I got my first nebulizer machine. 

Right now I believe I have something that should have been diagnosed many, many years ago. When I had the drug induced stress test 10 years ago they couldn't find anything but put me on blood pressure medicine and everything since then has been considered heart related, asthma or COPD. 

There is something that is called Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension which involves the blood vessels of the lungs and not the blood vessels of the heart. I'm not saying that some of the medications used for high blood pressure are not exactly the same used for this. My lungs have always been tight and unresponsive to most medications until I got the Spiriva almost 3 years ago. 

Also my blood pressure which was controlled is not under control right now. It is into the 150's yet they didn't give me anything additional to bring it down! 

What has happened this time is that when I went to my doctor on August 29th my lungs were tight. After heavy doses of steroids they are not opening up this time at all. I was almost thinking I had Angina the other day. It is quite possible I've been misdiagnosed for a very long time. This is just speculation at this time......

That is why the nitroglycerin worked, it opens up the veins for blood to flow better. They used nitroglycerin patches in the hospital and I have been given a time released form to take at bedtime until we are able to get this all sorted out. I will keep you posted. 

Remember the scene from "On Golden Pond" at the end of the movie on the porch when he drops the dishes and you think he is going to die. That is when he took his nitroglycerin pill!

So what did you do this weekend???

(P.S.) If something is unclear or if I made mistakes let me know at dpucci9972@gmail.com . I re read this several times but maybe you will see something I missed.

I'M NOT GIVING UP.....

This is my third year of seriously eating better and working hard to lose weight. I did pretty good in 2012 but in 2013 I had some health issues which didn't help. I put about 20 of the 40 pounds I lost back on. I haven't given up and I'm eating healthy real food yet nothing is happening. I fluctuate up and down but never actually seem to go down anymore. 

I'm eating around 1,000 calories a day and I am doing 10 minutes of cardio each day. (It's all I can handle with my COPD) I so much want to be thin again but I'm afraid my 18 years of oral steroids have done a job on my body. Also I'm on seven prescription drugs daily so I'm sure that doesn't help. I feel so lost but I am not giving up.

Believe me there is almost no sugar in my diet and only the good complex carbs that are heart healthy, yet not too may of them. It is a rare occasion for us to get fast food or even popcorn in the show. I usually bring almonds. I don't drink soda, haven't for 18 years now. I have very little caffeine in my diet, only a rare cup of coffee sometimes on the weekend. I've limited my dairy too. Any suggestions?

We have a 45 year High School class reunion in September and I'm just not sure I can face everyone. I was the size zero (0) girl all through H.S. I know people like me for me but how do you get over feeling like a failure. People are so judgemental without really knowing your story. 

I remember working on PTA 24 years ago and the male principle said something so rude to me. I had recently been seeing a specialist and he messed me up terribly on steroids. I had the moon face thing going on, it was horrible. My regular doctor finally got my steroids under control, I lost the fat face and the hump you can get at the top of your back but the stomach is always an issue. 

I haven't been on oral steroids for several years now unless I have to do a quick on and off for an infection. Recently when I saw a new cardiologist doctor I had mentioned the steroid use and he said "yes I know, I can see it."  Breaks my heart......

Sorry guys, I just need to share with people who I know care about me. You don't need to comment just pray that things will start to change.

HERE'S WHAT I KNOW.....

Last Thursday I woke up with some strange muscle spasms on my left side that ran down from my neck, across my shoulder, across my chest and my underarm. It wasn't intense just very uncomfortable. So like most of us do I did a search on Google. I didn't think it was my heart but I also knew it wasn't my lungs. I have had a lot of lung pain over the years and even pleurisy but this didn't feel like either of them.

I kinda thought that maybe it was stress related. I've had a lot lately and Tuesday/Wednesday were extra difficult for me. You can get Angina from stress and it seemed to be the best answer although I didn't have that kind of pain. I used a heating pad and took some pain medication. It started to feel better. Woke up Friday morning feeling great so we headed to Las Vegas as planned. 

Well since then I have been having the same thing on and off mostly happening during the night. I seem to  be  having trouble finding a position where my muscles didn't feel strained. During the day it was better. Saturday evening I had to do the heating pad thing again. So I decided that when I got home I would try to get in to see my doctor.

So I saw my doctor  on Wednesday. He thinks that it may be a pinched nerve. He gave me some medications and also sent me to get an x-ray of my neck/spine. We decided that I would go see a cardiologist just to make sure it wasn't my heart. Of course with leaving for Florida on Sunday evening I didn't think that would happen. Well the referral went right through and the nurse was able to get me in on Thursday.

So I went to see the cardiologist yesterday. He wasn't able to do the stress test because they only do them twice a month. He thought I would be okay going to Florida. He could feel that my left shoulder is very, very tight compared to my right side. He said to call him if I have any problems from Florida. It just so happens he did all his schooling in Florida. Obviously I should go to the emergency room if I have a problem but we are not seeing anything that indicates that. He gave me nitroglycerin just in case something happens and put me on two low doze aspirin a day and more if I have pain. My EKG was perfect!

So I am getting a echo cardiogram on July 1st. Then we will schedule my Adenosine Cardiac Study which is basically the treadmill stress test only it is done with medication because I can't do the treadmill. They inject a medication through an IV. So the next one they have after I get home from Florida is July 9th which happens to be the week we are in Mammoth Lakes so most likely it will be done later in the month.

I feel good that I saw him and I think that Florida will be the best place for me right now. I will just be relaxing with my dad, watching movies and away from home. (i.e. stress central)

So keep me in your prayers.....

 

EXCUSE ME WHILE I POUT....

....and I try to put on my big girl panties.

I was spoiled as a child. I pretty much got what I wanted within reason. I didn't have to clean house or do the dishes. I barely kept my room clean. My mom was an awesome housekeeper and after I married I also kept an immaculate house. It's in our blood, the blood that flows with OCD. Then about 17 years ago I had gotten ill. With some stressful times I had a full blown asthma attack. Spent 8 days in the hospital while they were trying to get my lungs to function properly.

After coming home I wasn't able to do many things around the house. My husband did a lot to help out. Eventually little by little I got my strength back but I have never been the same. In some ways it was a good thing to let go of the obsession of cleaning. I use to be the type of person who moved the washing machine, dryer and furniture all the time to clean behind them. From the time the kids left for school until they came home I cleaned house!

So fast forward to today.  You have heard me say I want to be a Queen but I didn't realize that I was actually pretty fortunate the last few years. Isn't that something like "You can't see the forest through the trees." So we moved into our new home 5 1/2 years ago and it's almost twice the size of our last home. I was struggling to keep it clean. About three years ago Amber started coming out once a week and was helping to clean our home. She welcomed the extra money. Well when they moved in two years ago it became her job since they were given a very nice gift of living here with us.

Well as you know Amber has gotten her full time job at Hallmark which of course involves a 40 hour week. She was working about 20-25 hrs. before.  She truly does not have time to clean our home anymore. I get that, however I do not want to do it. I loathed it!  Since I do not want a stranger in my home I am not in the market for a housekeeper although maybe my mind will be changed quickly with time. Did you ever spend time talking yourself into something you didn't want to do? Yep, that's where I'm at while the house falls to the wayside.

Well I've had to bite the bullet and get my butt in gear.  I'm not liking it but I'm doing it. My plan is to do a room each day so it doesn't overwhelm me. Also with my COPD I can't manage to do a lot more than that. Well I have done a great job of putting those daily chores off. So a few weeks ago I spent a Saturday dusting and vacuuming 4 rooms. I DID IT! Not convinced that I like it but maybe with time the pride that I use to have in my home will come back. It's amazing how lazy we can become and how lazy breeds lazy. It takes strength to face our challenges. I know what your thinking, heck we all do this everyday what's the big deal......well it's a big deal to me!  

I still dream of being a Queen!

UPDATE: I cleaned house all day yesterday and did laundry. Absolutely no issues with my lungs. Still not using Primatene Mist which I couldn't live without before. I am also off of all steroids for about a month now. I don't know this woman! I actually think I might be able to do some hiking in Mammoth Lakes this year. So I thought I would show you my husbands office since I spent quite a bit of time dusting it yesterday. (I guess the house cleaning is a good workout for me too!)

I have my own office too which is bigger than his but certainly not as neat/clean. (I dusted that last weekend) I actually spend my entire day in my office. He has our older love seat in his office and I have the couch in mine, the chair and ottoman are in our bedroom. What I don't have is a really nice chair like he has! My office is where I do all of my blogging and TV watching too since Mark watches his shows in the family room. We each have our own DVR! (actually that is pretty sad because we don't spend our evenings together except on the weekends when we watch Netflix movies)

Have a nice weekend. We are celebrating Father's Day tomorrow since Mark has been out of town since last Sunday so I am looking forward to a nice meal out!  Sorry this came out so long :(

 

YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME

Warning: This is a poor me post so you don't have to read it.

This post isn't actually about Las Vegas but I thought I would share a few photos. I never bring a camera so these are just from my phone. Living in California, 233 miles from Vegas, we get ads on TV all the time for hotels. This one seems to be shown often and I think it is pretty weird so I thought I would share it with you in case you haven't seen it!

We entered on the West side of the Hotel and in the lobby are these huge pillars that light up. Maybe every 10 minutes the pictures will change. They are always moving and really beautiful! That was the entry to our set of elevators to the 56th floor. I had this desire to have Mark video me doing something silly in the elevator like the commercial but I never had the nerve.

The room was wonderful and the main reason I am showing it to you is because of the shower. You see that view from the bathroom looking at the beds. Well you can actually watch someone take a shower if your into that. (maybe 40 years ago that would have been fun!) Thankfully there is a very nice thick shade that you can draw for privacy....


In the shopping area there is a clothing, etc. store and the entire window areas which went on forever had nothing but antique sewing machines hanging in them. It was amazing.


We actually had a very nice time. We ate at the STK restaurant and the meal was delicious. Would love to have the opportunity to try several other ones at the Cosmopolitan. This was Mark's second time staying there and I think it's his new favorite. I think that may be because he always comes home a winner from the tables! Truthfully I enjoyed the casino a lot and hope to go back soon. I will be in Vegas again in June with my bowling league but I will be staying at The Orleans which is off the strip. It's where we bowl and it's just super convenient. Have stayed there many times and it has everything I need for a fun weekend. Amber usually goes with me for a yearly girl weekend.

As you know I didn't feel well when we left. Woke up with that miserable cold on Monday and pushed myself to bowling on Tuesday. When I got home from bowling I packed my bag and spent the rest of the day on the sofa. Never slept that night, tossed and turned with a never ending running nose with added sneezing fits! Wednesday was most likely the worst day of this cold. My nose never stopped running and the more drugs I took the worse I got. Being a die hard keno player (machine) I sat and played for hours when I should have just but upstairs sleeping. When I finally did get upstairs to sleep around 9pm I watched TV until about 11pm. Turned the TV to music, smooth jazz, and tucked myself in. Did I sleep? NO! I could not sleep. I bet I ended up sleeping 3 hours Wednesday night.

I got up, showered, got dressed and went downstairs to gamble around 9am. As you know I was fighting tooth and nail to keep this cold out of my COPD lungs. Thursday was awesome. I woke up feeling wonderful. Nose stopped running and I had absolutely no breathing issues. Hooray, I win! I was on top of my game. We had a nice drive to and from Vegas. Chalk it up as a great trip even with the cold!

Screaming...... No I don't lose some, I lose them all. Wake up Friday morning and it's in my lungs. No frickin way! Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to God for all that he has given me for my entire life. I have nothing to ever complain about. I know things can be worse and even though I can't breathe today I have life when so many others don't. But there is a depression that sets in and I just start crying. Why can't I just feel good, why do I have to have this day after day. See even on my best days my lungs suck. I look at Mark and I tell him how much I envy him. So I get my breathing machine (nebulizer) and medication so I can start my treatments. I put a smile on my face and try to make the best of my day because in all honestly I am truly blessed.

Sorry to be Debby downer but sometimes I just have to get this off my chest. So where does that leave my tree? You only get one guess :) You know how sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees? Kendra warned me before Christmas. Don't overdue because you will end up sick. Yes Kendra you were right! But someone answer this for me, how do you not make Christmas the best for your family each year? (I don't just do it for them, I love it too.)


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
New International Version (NIV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

P.S. I only left $40. in Vegas so I really played on their money!

Don't grow old !

Today I'm having a "don't grow old" day. My Dad always tells me that his mom would say that to him. Like we have a choice! I don't like growing older. Sure I have the aches and pains you would expect, only I didn't expect so many at my age. I thought that they wouldn't start until my late 70's or 80's. Do you ever want to go back in time? I have that thought often, the opportunity to go back but have the wisdom I have today. But of course it's all the years of experiences that have brought us this wisdom. I do dream of going back to a time when I didn't have asthma. That's a big dream of mine but I know that can't happen. See if I had the wisdom I have today I would have lived a different life. I would have been more into fitness, or did allot more hiking up in the mountains. The beauty in the forest is always awesome to me. We have been going to Mammoth Lakes every summer for many years now. I use to be able to hike in the mountains but not anymore. I am lucky to walk the steps to the cabin. I sit and read while everyone else is out seeing all the beauty around us. I still love going every summer and the beauty will always remain fresh in my mind. Today I am thankful for the fact that I feel better then I did a year ago. That's a good thing! Is there a lesson to be learned, sure! Take care of yourself today, go out for that walk, ride your bike, play in the yard with your kids because today you don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Just Breathe

Why Just Breathe? Since I have asthma and have spent the last 37 years wishing I had a new pair of lungs I fell in love with this saying when Drew Barrymore said it in her movie "Ever After." Most days I am lucky to just breathe. (Things can always be worse) But let me tell you that it isn't easy when your mind wants you to do something but your body can't do it anymore. I use to spend allot of time wishing I could run in marathons and go to one of those cool exercise classes that women go to. I am lucky I can walk around my house most days. The best thing is that I can still bowl. It's the one day a week that I feel like a normal person. That of course is physically not mentally!