SHE WILL BE MISSED

MISS SKYE B

1-7-2009 to 9-24-2020

Cairn Terrier

My two favorite photos. Above and below.

We were told that she would most likely

change colors before she turned 4!

Sadly we lost Skye suddenly on Thursday afternoon. If you follow me on Facebook you already know this. I must say that I don't know what I would do without all the kind sympathy messages I have received there. It has helped me so much. 

We left for Montana on Tuesday. Skye does not like driving in the car. We normally have to give her an anxiety pill and she eventually settles in. The second day is usually better since she is kind of use to the routine. 

She struggled more this time because she has been having hip issues for at least 5 months now, maybe even longer. Being that the car seats are angled back a little bit she didn't have the ability to push herself up and move around to get comfortable. So she ended panting a lot more than usual. 

I can't say that killed her but I'm sure it may have played a roll in her passing. Normally when she gets to Amber and Dylan's house she settles in but was having a hard time doing that. They have their new puppy Finley who naturally wanted to play with Skye and jumped all over her. She seemed a little pissed off, however she ate, drank water, took treats and even went for her walk with Mark on Thursday morning. 

She just didn't seem to be relaxing on the sofa like she did the day before. She was panting a lot. I decided to take her outside and get her some fresh air. I carried her outside and put her within their fenced front yard. She started lifting her paws funny and stepping unevenly falling onto her side. I called everyone outside. 

Within 10 minutes she was gone. Mark, Amber and Dylan were next to her, talking to her, trying to get her to respond. I was outside the gate bawling my eyes out. I just couldn't bear what I was seeing. When I saw her move her bowels I knew that was the end. She had a few muscle spasms after that but she was already gone. We can only assume she had a heart attack. 

She was put on a blanket and the three of them took her to the vet. I said my goodbyes to her in the car. She was at peace. They made arrangements for her to be cremated and Amber/Dylan will bring her home at Christmas. We have two other precious dogs at home waiting to have their ashes spread with ours someday. 

I dread going back home next week and facing all of her belonging. I am thankful right now for the diversion being here with Amber, Dylan and Finley. I am also thankful that it was quick and that we didn't have to make the decision of having to put her down. 

Even in the hardest of times God is good. 

LOSS

It is the most wonderful time of the year until something sad happens. Tristen's father passed away earlier this week and my heart is aching for her.  I wish there was something I could do to take her pain away. 

With all the excitement of getting a place to live in Pittsburgh, packing up their belongings for the movers to come, leaving the day after Christmas and starting a new career as an Assistant Professor at the College of Pittsburgh I just can't bear the sadness in her heart today. 

Please keep Tristen and her family in your prayers. For those who do not know, Tristen is our sons fiance and has been a special member of our family for 8 years now. 

Mark and Eugene at Tristen's graduation in June. 

WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE

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1. Noah Webster was born this week back in 1758....besides the online version, do you own a dictionary? Do you ever use the hardback copy or is your hunt for a definition strictly online these days?

When I first starting blogging I would use one all the time. Now I pretty much look things up online. We do use one when we play Scrabble.

2. Should public schools ban Halloween celebrations? What about other holiday celebrations currently under fire?

No, I think these celebrations are fun for the children. All of them!

3. What's your favorite 'dog' movie?

Marley and Me, Must Love Dogs and Turner & Hooch to name a few.

4. When were you last somewhere you'd describe as 'too quiet'?

Nothing comes to mind except that our house was pretty quiet last week.

5. Are you a neat cook or a messy cook? In other words do you clean as you go or make a big mess and then deal with it later?
I clean as I go along.

6. Did you hear about Felix Baumgartner, the skydiver who broke the sound barrier via parachute? Was your first thought COOL! or was your first thought CRAZY! Are you adventurous?

Yes I heard about him, didn't watch it. My first thought would be crazy. I'm not as adventurous as I've wanted to be. If I had a guarantee of not getting hurt I would definitely try a lot of things, even at my current age!

7. What's not a word but should be?
Godincidences, I use it all the time!

 

I HAVE MORE TO SAY....

After Sunday September 11, 2011 I have been going over a lot of things in my head. I wanted to share a few of my thoughts with you.

I come from a family of worriers, it's in our blood. I can also say I am a bit of a "the glass is half full" person. I was the girl, when girl scouts was planning a camping trip, who said "but what if it rains?" There is a dark side to me that I don't like. My mind will, on occasion, be burying someone in my family. This doesn't control my life but I do go there more often then I desire. Sometimes I just say "evil demons get out of my mind." I didn't think I had passed the worrying on to my children but I do remember a time when I was trying to convince my son, who was maybe 7 at the time, to wear boxer shorts to bed in the summer and he said "but what if there is a fire?" He had to be in pajamas to be prepared for the worse. So maybe I passed a few worries on to them! You should see how overprotective I am with Skye!

This is why I don't read the paper or watch the news on television. I just need to stay in my own little world because it is already too heavy for me to handle at times. Yet I have been so blessed from God, He has given me so many things to be thankful for. There are things from my childhood that I don't remember and I learned to block out pain. I cry more now but it doesn't always come when it should, it will come more when I am alone. Imagine going to the funeral for your friends 13 year old son and not being able to cry. I am not a cold person, my heart is filled with compassion and I think you would agree with me on this.

I need to know the good after the bad. I need to know there is hope after loss. I crave the beauty after the storm. I remember when one of our neighbors years ago lost their son who was in high school to a heart attack. It was so sad. Then a few months later I heard the mother on the phone talking with someone and she was laughing. I can't even describe what that did for my heart. The fact that she would be able to laugh again was something I needed to know.

So I decided that I did not want to spend 9/11 watching memorial services because I knew I would have a hard time but still wanted to honor those who lost their lives. I prayed for everyone, keeping them in my thoughts all day. What I did watch were some specials that sounded very interesting. On Showtime I watched a show called Rebirth, a documentary that followed the lives of five people who suffered grievous losses on 9/11. It focused on their recovery and hope for the future. It took you through the years from 2001 and how their lives have changed. Then I watched a special on the History channel called Making the 9/11 Memorial. This show was amazing and I hope to visit the memorial site someday. I also watched two special on the OWN channel that were very good. One was called Twins of the Twin Towers. There were approximately 46 twins who lost their twin on 9/11. This was a British documentary and it was excellent. The other one was called From the Ground Up which profiled the widows of five NYC firefighters who died on 9/11. These shows did show footage from that day but all the shows focused on their lives following that horrific day. They showed where they are today, showing the courage it took for them to move forward. If you ever see them in your guide they are definitely worth watching.

So many lives changed that day. There was of course the lives of the families who lost their loved ones, they would never be the same and our country would forever be changed. I just recently read a post from a friend I follow and never realized how something like this changed her life and the life of so many others who had parents in the service. She was 16 at the time when her mother was called to duty following 9/11. At 16 years old she was now going to help her father and her younger brother during her mothers absence. My friend is Kerri over at Wish You Were Here . I would love for you to read her post from 9/11. Her mother was recently on leave and they were able to spend some nice quality time with her. They had a family day where her mother was awarded for her service while being deployed and Kerri was also honored with a medal for her help and service while her mother was gone. I think it was awesome that they honored her. So head on over and give Kerri a big hug!

New post over at Debby's Tree. (Series Part Two)

You can vote for me "Just Breathe" at Free Fringes!

LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST

I was having a conversation with my husband on the eve before my 59th birthday. I was sharing with him how I fear turning 60. I don't like who I have become or how I look today. This isn't the person I wanted to be. I have not given much thought to other milestones I have passed. My mother passed away at 56 and I know that she was not happy at that point in her life. I had no intentions of following in her footsteps yet here I am feeling that I have learned nothing from her unhappiness. That makes me very sad.

My husband said that 60 is a number that he believes most people fear reaching. To many it means the ending of their career is about to take place in the future and a whole new part of life is nearing. The part that we always felt people are old at that age. I know it's not true but I never imagined myself at this age. Grandparents are this age and I can't even claim that one.

I told him that I have always heard so many good things about reaching 40 and even reaching 50. The time of your life when you are finally yourself and loving yourself. The news media talks about these ages frequently however I don't hear many stories that make 60 sound awesome.

I was reading a post today from Kelly at The Beauty of Sufficient Grace on the passing of time and that is what got me thinking about my life. The things that I hold onto that only have meaning to me and the time I put into loving these items when I should be putting my time into the importance of living in the here and now.

One of things that I have always felt grateful for is the knowledge that is available to us today. My mother suffered from depression for several reason but she didn't have the knowledge of them at the time. Not feeling loved from her parents was one reason, having a parent who was an alcoholic was another and the depression that can come from being overweight. It was very easy for her to fall into a pattern of drinking also. Seeking help pretty much came with a prescription to Valium or something along that line. I also felt that if my mother was around today she would be so much happier with the treatments that we have now. But would she?

I have the knowledge of today yet do I grasp at it and change my life for the better. I don't think so. High blood pressure runs in my family on both sides. So here I am on medication and we all know that is not good enough. Treating this is something that I can do with weight loss, exercise and a healthy diet. So what has this knowledge done for me? I can sit here a wallow in self pity which doesn't bring any change at all. Change is a difficult hurdle to get over while staying in the same routine is easy but not very smart.

I have had success with two different diet in my lifetime. Weight Down Workshop which I did through my church. Follow a simple plan and turn to your Bible for inspiration. Eat half of what you would normally eat and feed yourself like a baby does. Eat only when you feel stomach hunger and stop when you are full. In time this actually works and I was very successful, then you get lazy falling into your old routine in time. The second one was the South Beach Diet and I found it very easy to do. Stuck with it for a very long time and lost 47 pounds. Then you decide to order a pizza again because you haven't had one in a long time and you being to slip off the path you were one. It is very true that the more carbs you eat the more you desire and when you don't have them in your diet you do not crave them.

So why is it that with this knowledge I am currently letting myself continue down this path of weight gain again. I know better but change is not easy to come by yet I know in my heart that I am setting myself up for an early death. Just like smoking, why did I think that I could smoke and not have it effect my lungs. Hello Debby you do know that you have asthma don't you! I quit two years ago but I have to admit that I have a few from time to time with my daughter recently. Don't worry, I am not heading in that direction again.

In line with my point here I was reading through a recent People Magazine and they had an article called "Chic at every age" which is exactly what I was talking about in the first few paragraphs on this post. They start out with Taylor Swift (20) in the group of women in their 20's, listing woman in their 30's, 40's and 50's ending with Anjelica Huston (59). No they did not go into being chic in your 60's!!!!!

I know this isn't a fun post and I'm sorry about that but this is where my head is right now. I plan to make some changes because I want to be a hot 60 year old next year!

You don't need to comment, just getting some things off my chest. (Double D's)

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Simple words never meant so much as they do in our world today. Today there will be loss. Someone will lose a loved one by war, illness, or just plain stupidity. The person who just can't take the time to turn their head to the left to check out that blind spot will kill someone today. There are no words for all the illness we face each day and all the loved ones who die from them. I just want to know why! Why do we have to experience heartache? This wasn't in my plan when I was a innocent child. I just wanted to get married, have children and live the happily ever after like a princess does.

When I was having my son 30 years ago I remember my husbands "Nana" saying to us, "Why would anyone want to bring a child into this world?" Good question, I myself think about that very thing often. A child ads so much pleasure to your life but with that comes a lifetime of worry. Never ever ending worry! I seem to be at a crossroad in my life where I wonder (WHY?) what is the point. Of course the point is that the happiness usually outweighs the sadness. (Like having my children over yesterday and playing Wii, it was a perfect day) I have seen the sadness in the eyes and have read the words of those who have lost a child. It is gut wrenching. I am a believer that this is Hell, our time on earth, and Heaven is definitely where we want to be. None of us want to leave yet because we have people we love so dearly here and I totally agree with that. I don't have any grandchildren yet, and I know that I would enjoy them so very much, but then you get a whole new set of worries. I do envy people who are not worriers. My family was bred to be worriers. There is seldom peace of mind. It would be really easy to become an addict but deep inside my mind I know that you can't cover up the worries so you have to face them and move on. I didn't mean to get up on my soapbox today, really! I know that I could delete this but I won't.

I believe that menopause comes with this what is life all about attitude, what was the point and I just don't want to clean my house anymore, cook or be the person who did it all! So now you know where this is coming from, my point of view today. (for those of you who popped over from Headless Mom go ahead and read some of my other posts. I'm not always up on the box. Really, only maybe once a week.) Most of the time it doesn't matter since I have very few follower's. Okay, maybe that's because of the soapbox!

But getting back to today and "God Bless America" I want to say that I am so sorry for those who have lost loved ones to war. I thank all the brave men and woman who have served our country and those who are serving right now to keep us safe. My heart and prayers are always with you. I also want to thank God for bringing my son-in-law home safely from the Iraq war because my daughter could not live without him. I thank God for not picking my husbands number back in the day and I also want to thank God for all the blessings he gives me each and every day of my life. Also I saw this on Twitter today http://tweettoremind.org/ and it's a good thing.