AN UNFOURSEEN PART TWO

If you follow me on Facebook you already know this and I appreciate all the heartfelt messages and prayers......(This will be long so don't feel obligated to read it) 

I didn't know my post "The Moment" from Friday was going to have a part two!  I worked on that post a few different days last week and had it scheduled to post on Friday morning. 

Little did I know that something was going to happen to me during the night on Thursday, or more precisely at 1 am Friday morning. 

I had another awakening only this time it was personal. It was as though I was pushed up into a sitting position in bed, beyond my control. I had a pressure in my chest that I have never felt before in my life. 

I have told my cardiologist who I was assigned last summer because of the Acute Pericarditis I had that I don't know heart pain. I know lung pain because of my 40 years of experience with it. I believe that what I was feeling was heart but it wasn't a pain but extreme pressure. 

I immediately went into my side table drawer and reached in for the tiny little bottle of nitroglycerin pills that they gave me last summer. I walked into my office off the bedroom, sat down, took a pill and waited. All I could think about doing was praying to God "Please don't take me now, I'm not ready" so that's what I did!

My mind was going a million miles a minute wondering what I should do. Should I tell Mark??? Should I go to the ER???  Am I having a heart attack??? This wasn't a feeling I've ever felt with my lungs before. 

The last thing I want to do is go to the ER and be sent home because I have indigestion or heartburn! Of course that statement is silly because I never ever have heartburn or indigestion although I did take a tums that night! 

I took another pill and was feeling some relief. I didn't dare go back to sleep in fear of dying. It was like 4 1/2 hours before Mark got up when I told him what happened. He said you want to go to the ER and I told him all the things I just told you. 

I made a decision to call my cardiologist as soon as I could and go see him. I was out of the house by 9 am. The EKG they took was not good. (Reminded me of an EKG that landed me in a cardiologists office 10 years ago when I was first put on High Blood Pressure medication) So he told me to go to the ER, I'm like "your kidding me right" and he said "no, tell them that I sent you."  I was lucky this time and should have gone right away in the middle of the night......

Thankfully the ER moved very quickly because waiting is never fun in the ER. They admitted me to the hospital. From what I was told the ER ended up being one of their worst days in a long time and they couldn't even get beds for people. I was glad to be processed fast. Was in a hospital room by 1:00 pm. 

Bottom line here is that the plan of action was to do a drug induced stress test on Saturday. If it showed something we would follow with a angioplasty on Sunday. Had to fast with not even water after midnight and the test wasn't even started until noon. 

Boy was I hungry. They also wouldn't give me my medications so my lungs started getting very tight. Finally they called the doctor and they gave me my morning medications and a jello around 11 am, along with some oxygen. 

So the test came back around 6 pm and the heart looks great which was great news. My mother died of a massive heart attack at 56 and her father also died of one. What we know and what plans the doctor's often take follow family history right? I think I now have my own history because no one else has my lung issues. I'll explain why. (I know too long already.......)

The admitting hospital doctor had come up to meet me on Saturday morning and was a very nice man. We talked about what had happened to me. I told him about the pressure, we talked about how long it lasted and a few other details. He said on Saturday I don't believe this is your heart, I think it is pulmonary. Smart man! 

So they are releasing me and I'm thinking "okay it's not heart but pulmonary so why not bring in a specialist for that while I'm here" but it doesn't work that way. Blah, blah, blah......so I will continue with my referral for the Pulmonary Specialist which my regular doctor is working on. 

The HMO wants a recent chest x-ray which I just received the paperwork to go for but I am going to call tomorrow to see if they can use the hospital one which our doctor has access to rather than go again. Just had it on Friday. Also all blood work tests were good, nothing out of the ordinary.

In the mean time I have done some extensive research which is a good thing. I need answers, I'm tired of not having the answers. I know my health, I know my lungs and I know what I feel. Twenty years ago I was in a doctors office for a checkup after treatment for a lung infection. So the doctor listens to my lungs, said everything sounds good and I burst out crying "BUT I CAN'T BREATH." That is when I got my first nebulizer machine. 

Right now I believe I have something that should have been diagnosed many, many years ago. When I had the drug induced stress test 10 years ago they couldn't find anything but put me on blood pressure medicine and everything since then has been considered heart related, asthma or COPD. 

There is something that is called Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension which involves the blood vessels of the lungs and not the blood vessels of the heart. I'm not saying that some of the medications used for high blood pressure are not exactly the same used for this. My lungs have always been tight and unresponsive to most medications until I got the Spiriva almost 3 years ago. 

Also my blood pressure which was controlled is not under control right now. It is into the 150's yet they didn't give me anything additional to bring it down! 

What has happened this time is that when I went to my doctor on August 29th my lungs were tight. After heavy doses of steroids they are not opening up this time at all. I was almost thinking I had Angina the other day. It is quite possible I've been misdiagnosed for a very long time. This is just speculation at this time......

That is why the nitroglycerin worked, it opens up the veins for blood to flow better. They used nitroglycerin patches in the hospital and I have been given a time released form to take at bedtime until we are able to get this all sorted out. I will keep you posted. 

Remember the scene from "On Golden Pond" at the end of the movie on the porch when he drops the dishes and you think he is going to die. That is when he took his nitroglycerin pill!

So what did you do this weekend???

(P.S.) If something is unclear or if I made mistakes let me know at dpucci9972@gmail.com . I re read this several times but maybe you will see something I missed.

THE MOMENT

You know the moment when you can't catch your breath, you can't speak, you can't move, you are in shock and the tears start running down your face?

That recently happened and it immediately changed me!

I felt a distressing awakening..........

Distressing: causing anxiety, sorrow or pain; upsetting.

Awakening: an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware of something.

We have a 45 year class reunion in a few weeks. (I still can't believe that number!) We will be flying to Chicago to attend. I've been living in my own little pity party for a long time now.

But I have also been determined to go because I have a few friends that I want to see. I loved High School. I was a terrible student but it wasn't a bad experience for me at all!

Also the fact that we don't know what tomorrow will bring kept me bugging Mark about it for months now. He doesn't want to go. His thoughts are "Who wants to see a bunch of old people."

Going to the reunion is not easy for me. I was the size "0" girl all through High School and I've been dwelling on the fact that it's not fair that people don't know your story.

I've been struggling with my weight for 19 years now after I had been hospitalized for 8 days because they couldn't get my lungs to work right. I spent 18 years on a low dose of oral steroids which I recently shared with you and exercise with COPD is not an easy task. So I eat healthy and do the best job I can do for myself.

I didn't want to go and be judged that way because I am still me, the person I was 45 years ago! By the way, Mark and I were in the same class.  Here is a photo from what looks to be maybe our 10th Class Reunion. There we are third and fourth from the right.......

We received an email update about the weekend and a link to a board with all kinds of facts that we can look up about who is coming, what other things will be going on that weekend that we can go to if we want and then there was the one "IN MEMORY" which hit me like a ton of bricks.

We have lost 39 members from our class of 1969 at Riverside-Brookfield High School in Brookfield, IL. Many of them I knew. I was a fairly popular girl even though I was extremely shy and had no self esteem at all. I ran with the cool kids, many of them Cheerleaders and Jocks but also got along with the groups that were not so popular like the Greasers....that takes you back doesn't it?

Mark and I dated sophmore year for about 3 months and then we didn't go out again until after graduation night. I know that senior year there was a lot of flirting going on between us and we hung with the same crowd most of the time. My prom date and his prom date have both passed away....that just blows my mind!

So when I saw the list the tears just started flowing down my face for those who are gone and I realized just how blessed I am to be alive today. I am going to live each day to the fullest and thank God for blessing me with my life. I will not lay low and hide because life is precious........

Ecclesiastes 9: 7-9 (The Message) 

Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,

Drink wine with a robust heart.

Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!

Dress festively every morning.

Don’t skimp on colors and scarves.

Relish life with the spouse you love

Each and every day of your precarious life.

Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange

For the hard work of staying alive.

Make the most of each one!

I do throwback Thursday on Facebook each week and this is the pictures I posted yesterday. It is from August 1971 and we are obviously celebrating our engagement. We got married June 24, 1972.

 Here we are last September.
You can't go back you can only move forward!

There is now a part two to this post....

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SIGNS?

Sorry, this is a long one!

I have a wonderful relationship with God. I know that people hear Him speak to them but for me it has always been with signs or what I call Godincidences. An example would be when I happened to have a few handkerchiefs in my trunk (this was before my For Your Tears Ministry), they were embroidered flower ones that I use to pick up at Penney's.

One day a woman came into the Hallmark store I was working at and I could see she was hurting. I have never been afraid to go up to someone and ask them what happened. She was buying a frame to put a picture in of her child and a child who had just passed away, wanting to give it to the child's mother. I ran out to my car to get her a handkerchief and told her that it was for her tears. I normally didn't have them in my car but hadn't taken them out when I had purchased them. See to me that is a sign that God knew before I did!

So on Tuesday after bowling my daughter and I went out to run some errands. She needed to pick up her tax form at Hallmark where she worked for six weeks as Christmas help and I needed to get some Valentines Day cards. (as a side note someone just left the store and she has now been hired as a regular employee, she starts on the 6th) So when we were there I found a couple of Willow Tree pieces that I wanted to buy and I had $20.00 in Hallmark money that they had sent to me. One of the pieces was something that I wouldn't normally buy for myself but I thought I would get it and give it to my husband to give to me for Valentines Day. The piece is called Je T'aime which is French for I Love You.

So later that evening my husband came into my office and sat down next to me on the sofa. He had something to tell me. He just found out on that day that he is going to the UK for 20 days in June. Around the 20th he is flying to Paris and he invited me to go with him. OMG! I could go with him for the whole trip but it won't be until Paris that he would actually have time to spend with me. Then it hit me, how did I happen to buy this Willow Tree piece today with the French wording on it for him to give to me on the same day he was told he was going to Paris! Was this a sign? I believe it is. Our anniversary is the 24th of June which means we would be in Paris to celebrate it. "Joyeux anniversaire"

Well that is not the end of the story. See I am not crazy about flying, how do I handle a long flight like that all by myself. (I am not afraid to die but I am afraid to die in a plane crash) I have a trip to Florida on the 16th of February and I have had sleepless night ever since the trip was booked. I do know that my trip to Florida is important. I will be able to see my brother for 5 full days and my dad will have the opportunity to have all three of his children together in one place at the same time. I would have to say that this hasn't happened in probably 18 years! I am staying for an additional 12 days after my brother goes back to Milwaukee, WI. My husband is coming for last three days before I leave so he can spend some time with my dad too. (my sister and her family are there too)

So what do I do? I was in shock when he asked me, I didn't know what to say, I was overwhelmed with fear. Not only flying but being in a place where I do not know the language. That was before I realized the connection and the sign from God. I am feeling a little less overwhelmed but I haven't made my mind up yet.

This is where the Social Security card and Birth Certificate come in to play. I am going to need a passport! So I ordered my Birth Certificate and it arrived on Friday. I am going to the Social Security office on Tuesday to get the replacement card so when I get home from Florida I can get going on my passport. That doesn't mean I am going but at least I will have the passport ready if I decide to go. Isn't it amazing that at 59 I haven't needed these forms of identification? I had even worked in the school district about 20 years ago, you would think they would have wanted to see my Social Security card!

So do you think this was a sign from God?

Do you think I should bite the bullet and go?

Speaking of biting the bullet I had to get a mouth guard to use during the day because I am clenching my teeth, I guess that is how my stress is coming out. I was clenching my teeth before my Chicago trip too! I do enjoy flying and love when I get to my destination! It's the time before I leave and actually board the plane that I stress about it.