Friday, July 10, 2009


Two weeks from today these beautiful girls will be visiting me from Florida. These cute girls are my great-nieces, my sister's granddaughter's. It is so hard to live so far away from them. So the girl on the left is a H-U-G-E Criss Angel fan and her grandparents decided to bring them to California and we will make the trip to Vegas from my house. She will be seeing his show while we are there. Actually when I was there last month I purchased a framed autographed poster for her which I sent out a few weeks ago. She was beside herself with happiness. I love being able to do special treats like that from time to time. She could not stop crying.

So this is what brings me to this post. I am a nervous wreck and haven't slept since I heard they were coming. My house is beautiful and my sister/brother-in-law were here in February '08 for our Aunt Blanche's funeral. My sister is a bit of an obsessive clean freak and is one of those people who decorates and bakes for all the holidays for her grandchildren. I use to be that person but I'm not anymore. (Except when it comes to Christmas and my 800 ornaments and decorations) I lost my obsessiveness when I got really ill with my asthma 15 years ago. My husband had to do our laundry for almost 3 years following that. I got back to doing most everything but I still struggled. I was in pretty bad shape last year too but now my medications seem to be keeping me well. Now by well I mean I can breathe and not use my nebulizer with medications every four hours. I am also off of steroids for almost a year and had lived on those for almost 19 years. So I am doing well but I can't do allot. That is why you will find me most days here at my computer and watching movies. I can do the basics but I can't do the deep cleaning that needs to be done. My daughter helps me from time to time which I do appreciate.

Don't get me wrong, my house is very clean and organized. (Don't open a cabinet though) I did so much when my kids were little and always felt that I would be creative again when I had grandchildren. Once my kids left the nest I've settled into a place that just doesn't want to entertain much anymore. Put me in a cabin deep in the woods and I would be happy. I didn't want to lose my lust for life, it just lost me. I don't think menopause has helped much either!

These people are my family, I love them so much so why do I feel like I have to have everything perfect for them. They love me just the way I am, I know that, but I still want to impress the girls because they have only seen me when I'm visiting them in Florida where I am the cool aunt who takes them shopping. They have never seen my homes and I guess I feel that they will think I'm nothing like their grandmother. Now isn't that silly but that is where my mind goes. I am stressing about feeding all of them because I would rather not eat then have to cook. When your health gets you down, and you become overweight on top of it, it's hard to come back. It is so much easier to stay in your little world but I did love the world more when I was able to be participate in it more.

So now that bowling is over for the summer I really don't need to leave my house most of the time. That is one reason I take Skye to classes at PetSmart because it gets me out of the house. I do run errands once in awhile and have been out a little more because of my new venture. So that is a good thing. I feel like I am making progress in my little world. So what I am asking for is a little bit of Prayer. This is not a poor me post, most days I am really happy in my little world. I just need strength and desire. I am so excited to have them come and visit me. I just want some lust for life back. I am 57 years young and it is not easy when your mind is full of ideas, things you want to do, races you would love to run, or just clean your house and your body isn't able to give you what you request. So appreciate what you have each day because you don't know when it will be gone.
P.S. My husband has been telling me for years to hire a maid but I just can't seem to do that because to me I would be admitting to my failure. (I also have this fear of being robbed because they know all about your house)


kyooty said...

There is a word for this it's called CHAOS, Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. A lot of people ahve it, and even fear the cable guy coming to repair something. If your home is beautiful and you're keeping up the basics, trust me teens? wont even notice.

Ashlee said...

I'm so sorry for your stress. I cant imagine the struggle you have dealt with over the years with your asthma and all the medications. I hope the visit brings you relief b/c they're happy faces will show you how much you missed them and you won't think about your worries. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I'm not great at that kind of thing. I do think that by you taking one day at a time and taking the steps to better things for yourself is a HUGE deal and you deserve a HECK of a pat on the back! You are such a beautiful writer and an inspirational person whether you realize it or not...YOU ARE! I will say a prayer for you!!!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

No more stress, I have the same feeling everytime my mom comes over. Love her to death but man is she critical. UGH.

You are a wonderful person and do so much that is all that matters!

Anonymous said...


Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

Trust me, the memories these girls get from you will have N O T H I N G to do with your house and what it looks like. They are going to remember
Y O U and the wonderful person you are! Try to enjoy it as best you can.

Krista P said...

Things will work out just fine - I promise. Everyone will have a great time, including you. Who cares if there's a dust bunny in the corner.

jennifer said...

Yes of course I will pray.

But let me tell you, girls aren't looking for a super tidy house - they are looking for your time and attention. Shoot, make it fun right there in your house! Build a blanket fort in the den (yes, I know they are girls but having their 57 year old aunt do something off the wall will give them the giggles. Throw popcorn at someone when you watch movies and pretend it wasn't you. Act like you are their age :) My twelve year old is into decorating tshirts with paint (an inside project). My other daughter does a web game called "Go Supermodel"... it's like computer paper dolls. Do that with them individually. Just give them time and attention and then if they need it, give them space too.

Have fun and try not to stress. I promise they aren't visiting to give your home an inspection. They want to be with YOU!!

Lori R. said...

Prayers for you, and just remember the things these girls are going to think about are hugs and fun, not if the floor is clean or not. When my house is a wreck and people come over, I don't apologize anymore (I used to). But this is my house, not theirs, and I don't have to please anyone but myself and my husband, and he doesn't care at all. So instead of being nervous about what they will think, just say excuse the mess and let's go have fun! I can't imagine dealing with asthma on a daily basis. I'm so glad you have been able to level out with medications. I'm betting those three girls can't wait to see ya and to spend some quality time with you. I will pray for you for keeping up with them. Kids can wear ya out!!!!

xinex said...

I am so sorry you are stressing out. But I think you should try to relax. Is your sister coming with your nieces, who BTW are very pretty? Have her help you cook. It will be fun cooking together. Tell her the truth about your asthma and I am sure she will understand. For the meantime, just enjoy the company and have fun! I will say a prayer for you and don't worry. Everything will work out well for sure....Christine

Nancy said...

Please just be yourself. The girls love you and are certainly excited to visit YOU - their very special, cool great-aunt. They won't even notice a less-than-perfect house. Relax and enjoy the visit. I am sorry you have suffered so long with asthma, and all it's complications.

Prayers for you and your time with your beautiful nieces.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

You should not be stressing over it! Relax, enjoy your guests & spoil them rotten!

Sarah said...

I will definitely be praying for you... actually I will be praying that the Lord gives you peace. I know exactly what you are feeling though, cause you know I'm the same way.
Your house is 100% beautiful and I never see anything out of place. Just like you said though, the girls could probably care less and won't even notice. Just relax and enjoy their company. You're a wonderful Auntie and they are going to love every minute of being with you!

Less is More said...

Remember that 20 year from now, they won't remember the dust ruffles were not spotless, or that there was dust on the mantle. They will remember the smell of cookines in your house. They will remember al the hugs they get from you. They will remember the TIME they spend with you - not the things that surround that precious time. They will make memories of what family is, and hopefully they will pass those emotions on as aunts themselves one day!

Trish said...

Debby...I will be praying for you. But I know, that those beautiful girls will bring lots of laughter and love when they visit! They won't be looking in the closets, nor will they stop fretting...I should talk...cause I am a big fretter! So I understand...pick up the phone order Pizza, make taco's and you're all set. Enjoy your visit with these precious gals...hug 'em, tell 'em you love ' is our greatest legacy!

Holly said...

I feel the need to clean and pickup so that everything looks good when we know people are coming over. It makes me feel better but I doubt anyone would really care if my house was clean or not. They're not there to see me house but to see me.

Headless Mom said...

You'll do great, and all will have fun-including you! I'll be around if you need to call. What fun to be able to take your niece to see Criss Angel! And we will be anxiously awaiting the post-visit report!

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