After Sunday September 11, 2011 I have been going over a lot of things in my head. I wanted to share a few of my thoughts with you.
I come from a family of worriers, it's in our blood. I can also say I am a bit of a "the glass is half full" person. I was the girl, when girl scouts was planning a camping trip, who said "but what if it rains?" There is a dark side to me that I don't like. My mind will, on occasion, be burying someone in my family. This doesn't control my life but I do go there more often then I desire. Sometimes I just say "evil demons get out of my mind." I didn't think I had passed the worrying on to my children but I do remember a time when I was trying to convince my son, who was maybe 7 at the time, to wear boxer shorts to bed in the summer and he said "but what if there is a fire?" He had to be in pajamas to be prepared for the worse. So maybe I passed a few worries on to them! You should see how overprotective I am with Skye!
This is why I don't read the paper or watch the news on television. I just need to stay in my own little world because it is already too heavy for me to handle at times. Yet I have been so blessed from God, He has given me so many things to be thankful for. There are things from my childhood that I don't remember and I learned to block out pain. I cry more now but it doesn't always come when it should, it will come more when I am alone. Imagine going to the funeral for your friends 13 year old son and not being able to cry. I am not a cold person, my heart is filled with compassion and I think you would agree with me on this.
This is why I don't read the paper or watch the news on television. I just need to stay in my own little world because it is already too heavy for me to handle at times. Yet I have been so blessed from God, He has given me so many things to be thankful for. There are things from my childhood that I don't remember and I learned to block out pain. I cry more now but it doesn't always come when it should, it will come more when I am alone. Imagine going to the funeral for your friends 13 year old son and not being able to cry. I am not a cold person, my heart is filled with compassion and I think you would agree with me on this.
I need to know the good after the bad. I need to know there is hope after loss. I crave the beauty after the storm. I remember when one of our neighbors years ago lost their son who was in high school to a heart attack. It was so sad. Then a few months later I heard the mother on the phone talking with someone and she was laughing. I can't even describe what that did for my heart. The fact that she would be able to laugh again was something I needed to know.
So I decided that I did not want to spend 9/11 watching memorial services because I knew I would have a hard time but still wanted to honor those who lost their lives. I prayed for everyone, keeping them in my thoughts all day. What I did watch were some specials that sounded very interesting. On Showtime I watched a show called Rebirth, a documentary that followed the lives of five people who suffered grievous losses on 9/11. It focused on their recovery and hope for the future. It took you through the years from 2001 and how their lives have changed. Then I watched a special on the History channel called Making the 9/11 Memorial. This show was amazing and I hope to visit the memorial site someday. I also watched two special on the OWN channel that were very good. One was called Twins of the Twin Towers. There were approximately 46 twins who lost their twin on 9/11. This was a British documentary and it was excellent. The other one was called From the Ground Up which profiled the widows of five NYC firefighters who died on 9/11. These shows did show footage from that day but all the shows focused on their lives following that horrific day. They showed where they are today, showing the courage it took for them to move forward. If you ever see them in your guide they are definitely worth watching.
So many lives changed that day. There was of course the lives of the families who lost their loved ones, they would never be the same and our country would forever be changed. I just recently read a post from a friend I follow and never realized how something like this changed her life and the life of so many others who had parents in the service. She was 16 at the time when her mother was called to duty following 9/11. At 16 years old she was now going to help her father and her younger brother during her mothers absence. My friend is Kerri over at Wish You Were Here . I would love for you to read her post from 9/11. Her mother was recently on leave and they were able to spend some nice quality time with her. They had a family day where her mother was awarded for her service while being deployed and Kerri was also honored with a medal for her help and service while her mother was gone. I think it was awesome that they honored her. So head on over and give Kerri a big hug!
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24 comments:
Thanks for your thoughts. I loved how you spent that day.
Your words are wise and I can see you are learning and growing, and have a caring heart. Anne Lamotte once wrote she was told she is "clinically sensitive", an interesting description. Too much tv and other news can bring any of us down!
Debby, I felt the same way on 9/11 this year. I just did not want to relive that day, over and over again! Thankfully, I was scheduled to work that day, so I didn't have much time to dwell on it. But I refused to watch any programs on tv about it. Am I trying to be in denial? No, but it makes my stomach sick every time I see the horrific video's of that day. I hope we never go through anything like that again. And yes, you have a very caring heart, and that is why you are such a good dog mommy!!! :o)
Beautifully written, Debby.
Now I'll go see what your friend's blog has to say.
I agree Debby - It is hard to watch things that make your heart hurt. Your heart sounds very very tender.
I am just like you on some of this- I tend to avoid the newspapers, the news, etc. because I get so upset- I have shed so many tears for victims and families of the simplest to the most tragic crimes. And please don't get me started about what I do if a child or an animal is involved. I just can't handle it. I don't understand.
Anyway, I thought you put it out there beautifully! And I'm glad you have such a compassionate heart!
What a beautiful post, Debby! I'm going over to check out the link in your post.
I had to laugh out loud about your son and the boxers. That is just like me.....my niece once told me she sleeps in the nude and I said what if you have a fire??? I'm a natural worrier too and I don't cry at appropriate times. I often wonder if people think I'm cold and I'm NOT.
Beautiful thoughts on 9/11
Well said. Its a beautiful thing to search for hope.
Blessings, Joanne
I can really relate to how you feel about having to focus on certain things and avoid others. I can not watch the news after a certain hour or I will be up all night. I can not watch certain documentaries for the same reason. It's not that I don't care, it's that I care too much and can not let go of the pain.
I truly understand what you are saying here, Debby. Off and on I've been blogging since 2005 and every 9-11 a lot of people reflect back where they were on that day, how they heard the news, etc. While that date will always evoke those memories in us, and while tragedies happen all around us and while it was a very sad terrible day, I wonder how many years down the road would we still be hearing about where people were that terrible day. We need to never forget, but I think the way you chose to spend this past September 11 was a wise one.
I'm with you; I'm a worrier; I'm always imagining the worst; it is hard to change that way of thinking (some of it gotten from my mom) but I have to remember God is in control and nothing catches him by surprise and just continue to trust in him.
betty
I didn't watch any 9-11 things last week. I did record the Twins show, but I haven't watched it yet. I spent the 5 year watching everything again and I realized that I couldn't do that again.
I'm an emotional girl. I'll cry at the drop of the hat.
Hope you're having a blessed week.
u are so very kind!! I'm so grateful for ur warm heart and that u are my friend!! love your post! thank u thank u thank u!! :)
my mom had to work on 9/11 so I was nervous .. me and my brother did watch some stuff that day only because he remembered a tiny bit like me because we were in school just to refresh and we wanted to see the memorial.
he recently bought a whole bunch of books at the book fair about the heroes personal stories and also afghan and Iraq soliders personal stories being over there.. might be too scary for me but he likes to know the truth about things not just what they say on the news. he also loves to pack the freedom boxes :)
I also worry about stuff!! I will do something and say what if this happens and there's always a what if to everything! lol I tend to cry alone and there have been times where I haven't cried and get nervous ppl are wondering why I'm not and then I get this nervous funny thing where I want to laugh and it is totally not right but maybe I laugh to avoid the crying then I really feel bad cause I'm not a mean person
thanks again for ur kind thoughtful words!
made my day! hope u have a great one!
I think it is great when we can see hope and look towards it...
I do not care to watch or read the news either. If anything I may try and just catch the headliners. But not listen for the details. Blessings Debby.
I couldn't watch any of the footage that day either. I just didn't want to relive the sadness, but it sounds like you found some wonderful shows to watch. I'm absolutely a glass half full person too!
Very profound entry Debbie. We all have our own way of dealing with grief and sadness and there is no right or wrong way. I'm a big time "crier" but find such release afterwards when I am dealing with grief or something heavy.
May you be blessed with a wonderful week!
Oh Debby what a beautiful post. I love to see what has risen from the ashes and has become. Stronger and with love and remembrance :)
I will have to head over and read her post :)
I'm a worrier too...I certainly hope I don't pass that on to Ethan.
I didn't watch any of the memorials. A shame, I know. But I did look back through the magazines we saved. The memorials sound like they were good.
Great post!
it was def very emotional watching all the shows about 9/11
i worry too.. about everything, it's something i have to pray hard about.. so i totally understand!
btw-- i'm back on blogger, i missed everyone!
Loved your blog. I know I am finding myself a year and a half since my son's suicide having wonderful days and then feeling guilt. Working with special ed students has kept me busy and distracted. But most days I had moments of heartache and I feel I needed that time. Lately, when I come to the end of a day that was absent of any grief or thought of Ryan I am overwhelmed with fear of forgetting him. I know this moving on is normal but I cling to my grief because it feels like when it slips away so does he.
Loved your blog. I know I am finding myself a year and a half since my son's suicide having wonderful days and then feeling guilt. Working with special ed students has kept me busy and distracted. But most days I had moments of heartache and I feel I needed that time. Lately, when I come to the end of a day that was absent of any grief or thought of Ryan I am overwhelmed with fear of forgetting him. I know this moving on is normal but I cling to my grief because it feels like when it slips away so does he.
you are such a sweet kind-hearted person.
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