Sunday, April 23, 2017


My dad is home! 
My dad is angry! 
My dad is depressed! 

My stomach has been in such a tight knot. Just as started to type those words the tears started flowing from my eyes. 

My dad was released from rehab on Friday. My sister and brother in law worked out details to help him for the first month just to get a feel on how he is doing. He wants to be alone....he can't be alone! 

My brother in law is spending the weekends with him and evenings during the week. My sister will spend two days with him and they also hired some 24 hour care for the times they will not be there with him. 

He is mad at us, he is saying that we have deserted him. He doesn't want to pay for the 24 hour care. If he can't be alone he wants us to take care of him. My sister said that he is just sitting in his wheelchair with his arms folded with a scowl on his face. Truthfully, he expects me to leave California and live with him. 

He wanted to go home, would not accept any other choice, so they took him home so he could be his house but now that is not good enough. However he is now seeing that he really can't do anything on his own. So even though he was excited to be going home he is now even more disappointed in himself. He really can't walk much at all and he can't even use a walker. 

So yesterday they took him to look at an assisted living facility where he has friends that he knows who are living there. They had lived in his community and since moved there because they realized they didn't want to be alone anymore, didn't want to have to cook, etc. Of course his friends are in a different building because they don't need as much care as he does. 

It actually sounds lovely. He can get a room that has a bedroom and a sitting room. You also bring your own furniture so you can make it look like home. He doesn't want to sell his house and his dream was always to pass away in his bed at home. 

I understand his frustrations, I get the fact that he is angry. I just wish for a minute that he could appreciate the fact that he will turn 94 in June and that he has been blessed beyond measure. Here I sit at 65 years old and have restrictions that he has never had......


Love Bears All Things said...

Bless you, Debbie.
I am praying for you during these days.
Mama Bear

NanaNor's said...

Sweet Debbie, Hope blessed you are to still have your dad, despite the current situation. What a long life he's had. I'm sorry he is having a hard time with his limitations~for some it takes a month or so and then they realize they love being in assisted care. So many activities and people to visit with; praying this will be the case with him.
Sending hugs your way, my heart aches for you and all that you're feeling.

Mevely317 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mevely317 said...

Aw Debby, what can I say, to lift the hurt you're feeling?

My mother exhibited some of the same emotions in her final year, but was easily distracted by dementia. It sounds as if your dad is still of sound mind, bless his heart.
Sending hugs, and I'm still praying!

Sandra said...

prayers for the right solutions for him and for all of you, the assisted living sounds a good choice but I am sure he will not think so.

Ann Thompson said...

Sounds like a rough time for all of you. Prayers and hugs

Chatty Crone said...

Debbie, I went through the exact thing with my mother. It killed me too. There was no other choice though, but to this day I still feel bad. I do know she is in Heaven and has forgiven me, but it is hard. I am so sorry you are going through this. That your dad has to give up his independence - it is hard for everyone! Love, sandie

Cathy said...

I'm so sorry Debby. We went through some of the same stuff with my parents. It is no fun.

betty said...

Its so sad when our parents get to this stage; they want to be so independent; their minds think they can, but their bodies say differently. Your dad had a remarkable long relatively healthy life. Older people tend sometimes to revert back to no or little understanding like a young child, therefore, his thinking you should come and live with him,not realizing you have your own life, responsibilities, etc. It is such a hard transition for them to reach that understanding of losing the independent life they once had, even just a few short months ago. Will pray for you all; but in reality, the best thing is for your dad to be some place safe, like you know. Care giving is draining, you know that from the brief period of time that you did it. Assisted living with advancement up as care is needed is the best route (sadly) at this time, but one that is safe for all involved. Worse thing you need is to be there caring for him and your own health suffering. Good lesson too to think ahead when and if you are in such a position; to perhaps pre-plan what might happen so you will be taken care of and your kids won't be on the spot of having to go and take care of you etc. I hope this made sense.


Little Penpen said...

Aw, bless his heart! His feelings are very normal right now. It must be terrible to lose your independence after having it for so long. I pray he makes the best decision and can learn to be happy with it. Hugs to you all!

Carla from The River said...

Hi Debby,
I am praying.
Love and prayers,

Mara said...

I hope it all works out.


Stephanie said...

Hi Debby,
I'm so sorry your heart is hurting. It really does sound like this is the right choice for him. Hopefully given a little time to adjust he will see that. Big hugs to you.

Claudya Martinez said...

Believe that things will turn out wonderfully. Please don't be hard on yourself or feel guilty in any way. You HAVE totally been there for him and it's OK to keep living your life in California.

KC Bob said...

I so resonate with your last statement Debby. My mom used to complain to me when she was in her 90s. I did all I could do to not reply with something about my wife being in a wheelchair in her 50s. Hang in there.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

My prayers are with you and him my friend! I hope he see's the facility will be great for him with lot's of ppl around and friends!

Joyce said...

I'm sorry Debby. I will keep this challenging situation in my prayers. xo

Secret Agent Woman said...

I'm sorry your Dad is having such a rough go of it. That's hard - for him and for you.

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